New Year's Revolution

I know it sounds so cliché but this year is going to represent a change in me and the way that I live my life. I rarely get on board with the whole resolution thing but as I feel myself creeping up on 30 (yes I realize I'm still a couple of years away but honestly, time flies!) I've realized that I have become very comfortable with myself and where I am in life. It's time to change that, not because comfort is a bad thing, it's definitely not, but because while I am comfortable here, I am not entirely happy with what here entails.

If you ask Merriam-Webster he'll tell you that a resolution is the act of determining, of making a firm decision. What I'm talking about is beyond a resolution, I want to complete shake-up and improve my life. I want to cause a revolution (M-W defines it as a sudden, radical or complete change) in my world. From the way I workout, to my eating and the kind of friend that I am to others, it's time to change it all. Most importantly it's time for me to change who and what I am to my children and husband.

Tonight I was getting ready to put Conrad's shoes on and he walked over to me, turned around, and let himself simply fall back into my lap. It was a small moment, one that has happened hundreds of times with both boys but tonight it meant something else to me. Tonight I saw it as an act of complete and total trust. My son knew that he could fearlessly let himself fall because he knew I would be there to catch him and as his soft, warm, cuddly toddler body landed in my lap I thought, "I want him to ALWAYS have this kind of trust in me. I want him to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there to catch him."

In my revolution I will think before I speak, not just about my words but also about their impact. I will speak up more, while it's great at the right time, silence can also serve to build barriers and it's time for me to knock some of mine down. I will step away from my computer, email, phone and Facebook and instead spend real face time with those around. I will cherish the memories, soak in the moments and live them fully rather than running my to-do list through my head one more time. I will push myself further, faster and harder than I've ever done before to achieve things that I've never achieved before. I will stop being a fool who does the same things over and over hoping for and expecting different results.

This year will be a revolution in my life and I cannot wait to see how it changes me.