Adventures in Smurphland

"Mommy, you should get a job"

2012-01-10T22:42:00.002-05:00

That's what my six year old told me.

I replied with, "Honey, I have a job!" "No, you don't do any work, you need a job where you do work. It's not fair that you get to stay home all day."

*deep breath* I had to remind myself that he's only six and that I really do love him.

"Nathan, where do you think you get your clothes? How do you think there's food to eat in the house? What about the fact that you always have clean underwear, you're enrolled in school and you're signed up for things like snowboarding lessons?? I do LOTS of work and don't ever forget it."

It should be noted that this conversation took place in the car. While running errands. And that it was repeated two days later. In the car. While leaving the doctor's office. You know, for the last minute appointment I had made because Nathan had strep throat. I was headed to drop him at home so I could head out to get his medicine, some juice and some soup. Before I had to pick up Kaleb and take him to the doctor. After which we were supposed to head to snowboarding.

Today consisted of waking up at six to take Kaleb to school, coming home and picking up Conrad so he could go to school, back home to get Nathan dressed and take care of insurance crap before going to pick Conrad up from school, grabbing lunch, home for Nathan to catch the bus, off to get groceries, home to drop them off, over to the OB, stop at the other grocery store, home to make dinner and back out to drop Kaleb off at a school thing. Yep, I'm home all.the.time.

It's funny, being a stay at home mom wasn't my plan for this year, I wanted a "real" job, one where I made a nice salary and had benefits, where I could interact with other adults daily and get to use the skills I used the last two years developing. As with many plans however, it did not work out. I feel more rushed and busy than I did in my last semester of grad school when I was essentially a single parent working a full-time schedule. I'm not sure if it's the difference of having the kids in school for full days (and after-care!) or simply the fact that my days are less structured, but whatever it is, it leaves me feeling frazzled and rushed some days and yearning for the professional interaction and development that I had previously on others.

Despite that I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. Not quite the professional woman I know is in there, but a better developed and more mature version of the mama I used to be. I'm working the job I've got for now knowing that the experience I am gaining will help me in my future endeavors.

New Year, New Adventures

2012-01-01T21:02:00.002-05:00

January 1 is a time for new beginnings and renewing commitment and this year, one of the things I want to recommit to is keeping our family's story. The last four months have brought many changes to our family and opportunities for growth and change, I can't even imagine the adventures that lie ahead for us. I want to make sure that we remember things as we move forward into 2012 and beyond.

The biggest adventure is our household is growing. After a l-o-n-g drive to Oklahoma, we arrived back in Oklahoma with an extra "son," my 16 year-old nephew Kaleb. He will be finishing out high school with us and we are loving having him around. The boys think it's great to have someone they can look up to and play with and Scotty and I are loving getting to spend time with him again and get to know the young man he has become while we've been living all around.

We will also be adding another member to our crew, a new little boy, in April. Basically I am and will continue to be surrounded by tons of testosterone, noise, chaos and fun, and I'm looking forward to every second of it.

Not to mention it should all lead to some great quotes and stories to share. :)

So remember

2011-08-10T23:20:00.002-04:00

when I said I was going to make the last six months leading up to 30 we're going to be much better than the last six months? I was right. :)

Call it the power of positive thinking, the benefits of a change of scenery, or just fate, but since my last post things have really turned around. I'm still not employed but I did have a couple of interviews at least. They helped me gain some experience interviewing as the new, professional counselor me, and I have a few more applications in the works. I'm happy with the direction things are going and confident that I'm where I need to be right now. It's a good feeling, one that I lost for a little bit in there.

I'm also really enjoying being here in Connecticut. It's not my favorite location as far as things to do, but I LOVE that we have the opportunity to see so many friends that we've missed for the last 2-5 years while we were scattered around the world. It's been a lot of fun reuniting, catching up and just enjoying to company of people that understand all of the challenges that are presented to us due to the military lifestyle.

Now remind me about all of this positivity when I'm crying about the cold in a few months. :)

Happy Half-Birthday to Me!

2011-06-20T21:35:00.003-04:00

I have always made HUGE deal about my birthday. I attribute it to the fact that my mom always made my birthday extra special since it's so close to Christmas. Whatever the reason, I'm knocking on 30's door and my birthday is still my favorite holiday. I'm not one to dread getting older, I'm looking forward to it quite a bit. When I talked to my mom the other day she told me that 30 hit her really hard, she felt more than she's felt any other age, but it's not like that for me at all. I am looking forward to 30 and have been for the past five years or so. I see it as just giving me more street cred, maybe I'll stop getting so many, "Oh my gosh, you're just a baby!" comments from my friends (most of whom are at least a couple of years older than me, some are even ten plus years older, I'm a bit of an old soul..kinda).

Anyway, all of that rambling is to say, I enjoy getting older and I celebrate half-birthdays still because my birthday is just that big of a deal.

The past six months haven't been so great though. I had high hopes for 29 and so far, it's just kind of kicked my butt. It's been filled with stress, heartache and more negativity than I care to admit to right now, but I'm about to turn it all around. I'm taking my half-birthday and using it as a time of rebirth and new beginning.

From here until I officially hit 30 in six months it's going to all be about the good. Good eating (as in clean and healthy, NOT the kind of "good" eating I did in Memphis!), working out, spending lots of quality time with my boys (all three of them since the oldest has the whole summer off, wahoo!) and just more positive thinking overall. I'm looking forward to all of the good changes that await me in the next few months and know that although it may not always be easy, it will always be worth the challenge.

A new baby in the family

2011-05-15T23:27:00.002-04:00

At each of the places we've been stationed, our family has grown. In Charleston, we had Nathan, in Norfolk, Conrad and here, well this time it's been a little different.

Rather than the nine month gestation that I experienced with our boys, it's been 21 months. With Nathan I was in labor for 28.5 hours (yep, I count every minute from the time my water broke) and pushed for three hours. Mercifully, with Conrad that was shortened to three hours of labor, ten minutes of pushing. This time there was no pushing but the labor lasted the entire "pregnancy."

When it came to the big day this time around, my mom actually got to be there, an experience she hasn't gotten to take part in with the boys, and Scotty almost missed it, making this a whole new "birth" experience.

So enough rambling and lame analogies, what did I do?

I completed my coursework, practicum and internship and earned my masters degree. After doing 52 hours of coursework, 150 hours of practicum and 621 hours of internship (not to mention numerous counseling sessions, 40 hours of observations and who knows what all else) I officially have master of science degree in counseling.

Walking across the stage was amazing. Scotty got there just in time (due to some last minute changes when the Grizzlies made round two of the playoffs, graduation was changed and he was supposed to fly out just as it was starting), the boys were able to see me as I walked up to the stage and I blew them tons of kisses, and it really felt as though the last two years of work had built to this moment.

The miscarriage hurt a lot. It still hurts a lot (I would be 11 weeks now, getting ready for an NT scan and possibly even getting an early guess as to who was getting ready to join our family), but refocusing my energy helps. Lately, that focus has been celebrating the baby that we, and yes I mean we because my entirely family worked and sacrificed to have me walk across that stage, successfully brought to term this spring. Now I'm working on nurturing it and shaping it into a real, grown-up job come this fall. And who knows, maybe some time in the not so distant future I'll be making an announcement about another baby joining the family next year.

A picture is worth a thousand words

2011-04-24T17:19:00.003-04:00

Or in this case, a tattoo is worth a thousand words.

My husband is not a man of many words, he doesn't speak his feelings often. For someone like me, an extroverted counselor who spends their day talking to people about getting their feelings out and who needs to have an outlet to express my own feelings (hence the existence of this blog!) it can be...difficult living with a man like that.

But where his words are often absent, Scotty lets his actions shine through. His strength lies in the quiet doing, the little things that I often take for granted or sometimes fail to even notice because I am so caught up in the sounds of expressions. And this time, well this time his actions didn't just speak, they yelled and they just about blew me away. They let me know that even though he wasn't saying the same things I was saying, he wasn't crying out for a shoulder to lean on, he felt the pain of our loss too.

Each image represents a member of our family, they are our zodiac signs. Scotty is a Cancer (the crab represented by the sideways 69 (get your mind out of the gutter! ;))), I'm a Sagittaruis (the archer's arrow), Nathan is a Virgo (the fancy looking m), Conrad is a Taurus (the bull) and if you look inside the big arrow you'll see a smaller one representing our little one that we lost who would have been a Sagittarius as well.

What NOT to say

2011-04-17T12:50:00.003-04:00

In the last week I've heard many of the miscarriage cliches. "You can try again" (this one was from my mom), "it's probably for the best", "these things happen, there was probably something wrong anyway" and too many others to recall. In a show of self-restraint, I managed to smile and nod as I walked away from each of these comments.

But there's been one, one message I was sent, that just really took the cake. It managed to a.) take my miscarriage and make it about them while also b.) insulting me and the effort I've put in to finishing grad school. It came from someone who had just announced their pregnancy, they're due three days after I was and it hurt. And it made me angry. Maybe it's just because my hormones are high and my emotions are low. Either way, it's a classic example of what NOT to say.

"I just wanted to say again that I am so sorry about your misscarriage. I feel so selfish posting about myself and everytime I have wanted to post I always think about you. Just wanted to let you know that I still think about you and everytime I think about anything pregnancy related you always come into my mind because that very well could have happened to me (and realistically it still can).

I hope you are doing ok! You are such a strong person and I admire that in you- so much that I am going to grad school because if you can do it, and other people can do it with kids, so can I!"

I was going to point all of that things that I found offensive here but really, I'm just not up to it. Let's just say, that should ever find out that someone you know has had a miscarriage, this is NOT the message to send. It will not fill them with warm fuzzies, it won't even make them a little happy. Instead it will make them angry. It will hurt some. And more than likely, their emotions will take over and they will send you a zinger in return that makes you wish you had never sent the dumb ass message to begin with.

Lonely

2011-04-16T19:36:00.002-04:00

That's an emotion that you don't immediately associate with miscarriage. Sad, angry, disappointed, those are all obvious ones, but the one that is hitting me hardest right now is just being lonely. I have people I can talk to about, friends who have been there and been through the emotions and friends who just have amazing empathy. But even with that I feel so alone.

My husband is half a continent away and has been for everything from the positive home pregnancy test to the ultrasound where I got the bad news. The distance feel as if it's much more than a physical thing, it's invaded the emotional aspect of this experience as well. He didn't have the morning sickness, sore boobs, bloat and exhaustion that so clearly let me know that there was a little person growing and developing. He didn't experience those symptoms lift at the time when they should have been intensifying, a feeling that would make even the most logical pregnant woman a little nervous. And he wasn't there as the ultrasound screen filled with the image of my uterus, holding a sac that was painfully void of the little heartbeat that should have been seen. He missed the moment when that little life passed from my body.

He missed all of that.

So when I talk about how sad I am, how scared I am that the baby we lost was our only chance at having a third child or how I feel like I don't have the time to be sad because I still have to finish my internship hours and papers for my class and make sure that life continues to run smoothly for the two beautiful boys we have who never knew about the sibling that they lost, he doesn't get it. When I get short about something stupid he doesn't understand that I'm not really upset about what's in front of me, my emotions are just all riding close to the top waiting for any opportunity to burst out.

I'm a mess right now. I laugh inappropriately. I find myself comforting others and smiling as I try to convince them that I'm okay with everything. I try to convince myself that I'm okay because right now, I don't have a choice but to be. I'm the girl that cheers other up, makes them laugh through their tears and see the bright side of a situation and right I'm working overtime trying to do all of that for myself.

Most of the time it works, at least temporarily. But when the smoke clears and I'm left just facing myself in the mirror, I'm sad. I'm lonely. I want the baby that I lost, that I was gifted with and then just a quickly, I had taken from me too soon. Only time will help that, not jokes, not smiles, not even margaritas (and oh how I love a good margarita).

Until then I'm holding a quote I found on a miscarriage board close to my heart and waiting for the loneliness to pass.

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my baby on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?"

What almost was

2011-04-09T13:08:00.003-04:00

I should warn you, this isn't a pretty post. It's sad, a little raw. But I need to write it and I need to share it because holing up in my room with the feelings isn't working for me. It's making me a bad mom and I don't like that. So I'm giving myself the time to write this post to pull it together. Then I will gather up my two crazy boys and we will go out on an adventure. We will buy a picnic, check out a new playground and enjoy the fabulous spring weather that's waiting for us. But right now, in this moment, I'm going to let myself wallow.

We were almost a family of five.

I've gone back and forth about wanting another child but somehow the time never quite seemed right. School, moves, career aspirations and looming sea duty have teamed up to make the idea of expanding our family seem too daunting to commit to doing. But then as often happens in life, the decision was taken out of our hands.

On March 25, two weeks after enjoying a great family weekend in Norfolk, we found out that I had returned home with an extra special souvenir. This time pregnancy felt different. I was excited but really, REALLY nervous. I can't say whether it was because I know more about all of the things that can go wrong or because we were genuinely not trying after having gone that route for a while or if it was just mother's intuition. Whatever it was, it was different.

I cautiously told my close friends. As I found myself settling in to the idea I told a few more people. I began to make tentative plans. A new car. How life in New England would be with a new baby. Summer maternity clothes. I never committed too much to anything but I let the hopes and dreams float throughout my day.

Then on Tuesday, April 5 I went in for a non OB checkup. When the doctor finished her exam there was some spotting. I expressed my concerns, the fear that lived just out of sight, and she assured me there was no reason for it. The next two days I continued to spot and the voices in my head continued to whisper about something not being right. I talked to the baby, tried to strike a deal. If they dug in a little deeper and held in there we could laugh about this later. I could tell the story as we celebrated their graduation, marriage and birth of their children. Just hold on. Just hold on.

I woke up Friday morning with a headache. It had started Thursday morning and stayed steady all the way through. It actually woke me out of a dead sleep at 4:30am. I knew something was not right but held on to the thought that it was just my head. It would pass eventually.

I started my morning with a trip to the bathroom. And that's when it changed. There was blood. Lots of it, like my period was coming. This was not okay. I immediately called the doctor's office and was sent to the on-call doctor. He told me to call back in an hour and schedule an ultrasound. I called two close friends, one to go to the appointment with me and one to say I wish she could go with me.

I called Scotty. It sucks when you know in your heart of hearts that something is wrong and the person you want with you more than anything can't be there. It sucks knowing that they want to be there and that not is hurting them as much, or maybe even more than, it's hurting you. I know we chose this lifetime and I will very, very rarely complain about it because honestly, it could be so much worse. But yesterday and today. Well it sucks. In a way that Google Video Chat just can't fix.

My appointment wasn't until 12:30 so I got the boys to school and headed in to work. Yep, I went and organized TCAP proctor lists while waiting, but knowing in the back of my mind, to hear that my pregnancy was ending. If I don't get a damn good eval from this internship I will kick someone's ass.

I got to the appointment early, 12:00, and they called me back quickly. My friend hadn't even had time to make it there. I sent her a quick text letting her know I had already been called back. After a quick "pee in the cup" routine I found myself naked from the waist down waiting for an ultrasound. The tech came in and went straight to business. I knew. Before she showed me the screen I knew that there was no way it would be good news. I hoped, oh how I hoped, but I knew it was in vain. She turned the screen to me and showed me an empty sac. At six weeks that was not what we should have been looking at. There should have been someone there, a little person growing, waiting to come complete our family.

Ten minutes. That's all it took.

They asked if I had any questions and I was too shocked and numb to form any so simply said no. I just wanted to go to bed. As I got up from the bed there was a small pool of blood on the floor. I told you this wasn't pretty. I got myself together and then cleaned the floor. I couldn't bear the thought of someone else cleaning up my baby. I know it sounds crazy, that was clearly not my actual child on the floor, but that's how it felt and I knew that it was my responsibility to clean it up, so I did.

I walked out to my car, holding it together until I heard Scotty's voice on the other end of the line. I couldn't even get the words out to tell him, I could only cry. This little person that was half me and half him was not going to be. The final chapter of our family building wasn't closing with a birth but rather with a passing. It hurt.

Miraculously the headache that had been haunting me for over 24 hours was finally gone.

I've had friends that have had miscarriages, I've had friends that have suffered multiple miscarriages, but what I realized yesterday is that until it happens to you, you just don't get it. You can try to be understanding and you can want to understand, but until it's your child that is gone, it's just not the same.

I went home for a long nap and afterward the boys and I spent the evening with friends. Good friends. Great friends. I had so many text and call yesterday and today to check on me. Turns out I'm surrounded by more love and support than I can shake a stick at, I'm a blessed girl. Also turns out that, as I've mentioned before, having friends who are counselors is an amazing things.

Between grad school friends, friends who have known me the majority of my life and framily that the Navy has given me, I'm well taken care of, I feel the arms and warmth of love all around me.

But I'm still sad. Not crying sad, which makes me feel as though the other shoe is going to drop hard at a later point. I'm more in a, "I want to stay in bed for a day or three" kind of place.

But that's not an option. I have two boys who need to play. I have three weeks of grad school left and need to bust my butt to finish strong.

Instead I'm going to do my usual mind trickery. I'm going to focus on the positive. I'm gonna indulge in margaritas (yes plural!) for Cinco de Mayo. I'm going to have raw sushi for dinner. I'm going to revel in getting to enjoy my sassy four door car for a while longer and put in job applications in districts all over the CT/RI area.

And in my alone time, when it's quiet and I have a couple of moments to myself, I'm going to remember what almost was and what may some day may be.

Dream Big

2011-03-27T21:53:00.004-04:00

For Spring Break the boys and I headed back to our old stomping grounds. We met up with a friend from Italy, spent time with Scotty and got to visit with lots of friends we've missed more than we realized. After our week-long adventure we were all ready to get back home and back into our routine. As we were on our final flight, I pulled out the camera to keep Conrad entertained and was so glad I did when I captured this shot of my Nathan.

He was sitting across the aisle from me as our plane only had two seats on each side, and had found a way to entertain himself. He was completely lost in the moment, imagining his superman flying through the sky. I pray that he always holds on to that strong imagine of his and his ability to always dream big.

I'm back!

2011-03-27T21:48:00.003-04:00

I've been gone for...a while. Well over six months. But things are getting ready to slow down for me a bit, graduation is only six weeks away and all of a sudden I will have far more free time, so I'm back to re-enter the world of blogging. I plan on repaying the debts that I owe to all of those friends who have allowed me to blogstalk them while remaining silent.

I don't guarantee that I'll be posting regularly for the next six weeks but after that...after that it's on. :)

Sooo...

2010-06-28T15:23:00.004-04:00

I was working on this really long post all about China. I worked on it for weeks and somehow it was still never quite finished, I couldn't quite get out all that I wanted to say. So instead of trying to find the words and failing miserably I'm sharing my photo journal. I hope you guys enjoy it and I promise I will post more often than every four months from here on out. :)

Journey to China Journal

You know you're a mom when...

2010-02-11T20:02:00.002-05:00

you've scored fourth row center tickets to a hot show coming to town and totally jazzed about it. You can't wait to get your dates all dressed up and ready to hit the town and you know the starring act is going to be great. You're like a kid waiting for Christmas waiting for the show date to come, there's no way it will get here soon enough.

Who is that has me all twitterpated (can I tell you how much I love that word?) and looking forward to April with eager anticipation?

None other than Moose A. Moose, Zee D. Bird and the other Nick Jr. characters joining them for the Storytime Live tour.

I am honestly really excited about this, I cannot wait to see the boys' faces, especially Conrad who has a HUGE crush on Ming Ming. My man is going to flip his lid. Me, I'm looking forward to seeing the Backyardigans. Only two months left...:)

200 Words or Less

2010-02-05T13:25:00.002-05:00

I know I've been MIA and I apologize. Between Nathan's school, my school and Scotty's work schedule I feel like our entire family has been running in circles. When things do finally quiet down a bit I don't feel like writing out a blog entry despite the fact that there are no less than five floating around my head begging to be given life. Sadly today won't be the day that I give in to them, I am killing a bit of time on campus waiting for my next meeting and trying to get caught up on things that need to be knocked out this weekend.

At the top of my list today is finishing my application to study abroad in China this May. I never studied abroad in undergrad and it's one of the things that I most regret not taking advantage of when I had the opportunity. I figured I'd have to get my international learning experience via the Navy and wherever they choose to send us *cough*Japan*cough* but that didn't work out for me either. Just as I was beginning to resign myself to the fact that maybe I wasn't meant to study abroad an email showed up in my school inbox telling about an opportunity for graduate students.

The group will spend 11 days in China examining and trying to reconcile the differences between the Eastern and Western philosophies and approaches to counseling and psychology. I know, it doesn't sound terribly fascinating to those not interested in counseling. But for me it's an amazing opportunity to learn more about the counseling in a multicultural and world sense. It's the chance to better learn how to serve my future clients, meeting them where they are and helping them get where they want to be. It's a chance to learn more about another culture which will inevitably help me learn more about myself, a critical component of being an effective counselor. Not to mention it's a chance to do some great shopping! ;)

So why am I blogging instead of working?

Of course this application includes an essay (200 words or less...) that states why I want to study abroad and how it will impact my education. And since I've stated before about how blank pages sometimes lock my words inside my head, I of course turned to my favorite brain key to get the essay out and the ideas flowing and as always it worked like a charm.

Ni hao for your help. (See, I'm already learning a little Chinese...thanks to Nick Jr.!)

Need a laugh?

2010-01-20T23:09:00.003-05:00

Here's one at my expense. :)

I'm clumsy. Like, seriously clumsy. CLUMSY.

Stairs are a clumsy person's kryptonite, no matter how careful you are things are bound to go wrong. Especially at our house because the stairs are particularly steep.

This was demonstrated most recently when I fell up the stairs. Let me repeat that so you can get a good, full belly laugh. I fell UP the stairs. Not once. Twice. In a row. Like in the same trip up.

It was so awful and awkward that I laughed at myself. Hard. Even though I was slightly injured (we're pretty sure I sprained my pinky, that takes true clumsy klutz talent!), I laughed. I even picked up the phone and called Scotty at work so he could laugh.

He offered to find me an assistant to help me get up and down the stairs safely (I fall I'd say at least once every week or so).

Okay, go enjoy your laugh now. It's okay, I honestly don't mind. Truthfully, I'm sitting here laughing at myself again. Gah, I am so damn clumsy. LMAO!

Routine? What routine?

2010-01-18T00:13:00.002-05:00

The past month has been the longest and shortest that I have experienced in a while. I've completely enjoyed being able to spend more time with my guys but am looking forward to getting settled into our new normal. New because Scotty's job responsibilities have changed somewhat as has my school schedule, so we have a few kinks to work out and details to finalize.

In addition to that tomorrow marks the first official day of my new training program. For the next six months I will be following the weight lifting program outlined in The New Rules of Lifting for Women. I will also be following Jeff Galloway's running program to help improve my cardiovascular health. Remember, I said I want this year to be a revolutionary one in every aspect of my life, developing my physical self is a big part of that.

As nervous as I am about getting adjusted to the changes that face our family this semester (because as a full-time student, my life is split into semesters instead of the usual months/years that most adults use), I am looking forward to the stability it will bring back to us. Instead of the 9, 10 or even 11 o'clock bedtimes that the boys have been rocking (have I ever mentioned what a super night owl Nathan is?) we'll return to 7-8:00. Dinner will again be a meal that's eaten at home (at least for the boys, I have class in the evening) and our mornings will again be full of productivity.

After a month of sun, fun, travel and madness, I'm ready to get back to our normal, boring routine. Remind me I said this when I start complaining about the monotony around spring break. :)

A Perfect Start to the New Year

2010-01-09T11:45:00.003-05:00

Last night I fell asleep with one of my sons lying on each side of me and the sound of the waves crashing filling my ears. It was just about perfect. Turns out that other than the traffic, just about everything out here in Hawaii feels just about perfect.

I know, it doesn't seem very revolutionary to rave about what is likely one of the most visited beach vacation destinations around but for me, for my family it is. Despite the fact that Scotty and I have been together for 11 years, this is our first real vacation. Almost every other time we've traveled somewhere it has involved a road trip (which is a vacation for some but not so much for me), family or staying with friends. We never even went on a honeymoon.

This time it's different though. Yes, we do have lots of friends on island, we're a military family, who wouldn't know at least two or three people out here, but we're not staying with them. We have a gorgeous ocean front room at a beach resort, we're doing a ton of touristy things and we're just relaxing and enjoying our family. The television has been off, the computers have been shut down and the only reason we have internet hooked up now is for Scotty's job (I don't even want to know how many emails he had waiting for him...please tell anyone you know playing the slate that the detailer deserves to go on leave too! :)).

By escaping the mainland completely I've been able to get a good start on my goals for myself, I've even gone for a run out here. Getting away to spend time with my little family, some fabulous friends and in an island paradise was the perfect way to kick off my new me. Now (well in a few days) my challenge will be to carry all of these positive feelings and changes home with me and nurturing them and allowing them to grow even more. But that's a post for another day.

Slowing down...Later

2010-01-04T00:03:00.003-05:00

I have been running around like a madwoman trying to get everything ready for our upcoming family vacation. It is our first big vacation ever, every other trip has been to see family or has been a roadtrip that only lasted a few days. This time we're going far away for nearly a week and I.AM.STRESSED.

Seriously, trying to remember the sunblock, the towels, the medicines, make sure everyone has enough clothes, not to mention we're doing family pictures while we're there so now I'm having to plan coordinating outfits for everyone...it's nuts. Have you ever tried to find boys' sandals in January? It's not easy. I've spent the last two days running around like a chicken with my head cut off (enough clichés yet?) trying to make sure we have it all and as much I'd like to say we're totally ready, we're not.

As I walked in the house tonight from yet another foray to Target Scotty and Conrad greeted me at the door. I felt like I had just been through a shopping battle (and that's saying a lot because I LOVE to shop) but as soon as I walked through the door my spirits were lifted because I was attacked by the kind of hugs and kisses you can only get from a toddler. Conrad's little arms wrapped around my neck and squeezed as tight as he could as he cooed, "Mommy, mommy, mommy!" It was the best.

As he and I sat down on the couch for a snuggle I realized exactly how tired I am (did I mention I'm fighting a cold right now too??) and thought, "Gah, I have got to slow down!" And I promise I am. Later.

But first I have to get in two more trips to the gym, two days of school for Nathan, return a few things that I thought we needed but we don't really, find shirts for Scotty and me to wear for pictures and make sure that I print out a copy of all of our flight and hotel information. And make a list of all of our confirmation numbers. And pack everyone's carry-on with snacks and entertainment.

Then I'll slow down. Promise. :)

New Year's Revolution

2010-01-01T23:55:00.002-05:00

I know it sounds so cliché but this year is going to represent a change in me and the way that I live my life. I rarely get on board with the whole resolution thing but as I feel myself creeping up on 30 (yes I realize I'm still a couple of years away but honestly, time flies!) I've realized that I have become very comfortable with myself and where I am in life. It's time to change that, not because comfort is a bad thing, it's definitely not, but because while I am comfortable here, I am not entirely happy with what here entails.

If you ask Merriam-Webster he'll tell you that a resolution is the act of determining, of making a firm decision. What I'm talking about is beyond a resolution, I want to complete shake-up and improve my life. I want to cause a revolution (M-W defines it as a sudden, radical or complete change) in my world. From the way I workout, to my eating and the kind of friend that I am to others, it's time to change it all. Most importantly it's time for me to change who and what I am to my children and husband.

Tonight I was getting ready to put Conrad's shoes on and he walked over to me, turned around, and let himself simply fall back into my lap. It was a small moment, one that has happened hundreds of times with both boys but tonight it meant something else to me. Tonight I saw it as an act of complete and total trust. My son knew that he could fearlessly let himself fall because he knew I would be there to catch him and as his soft, warm, cuddly toddler body landed in my lap I thought, "I want him to ALWAYS have this kind of trust in me. I want him to know that no matter what happens, I will always be there to catch him."

In my revolution I will think before I speak, not just about my words but also about their impact. I will speak up more, while it's great at the right time, silence can also serve to build barriers and it's time for me to knock some of mine down. I will step away from my computer, email, phone and Facebook and instead spend real face time with those around. I will cherish the memories, soak in the moments and live them fully rather than running my to-do list through my head one more time. I will push myself further, faster and harder than I've ever done before to achieve things that I've never achieved before. I will stop being a fool who does the same things over and over hoping for and expecting different results.

This year will be a revolution in my life and I cannot wait to see how it changes me.

"I want your life"

2009-11-23T23:36:00.002-05:00

It's the end of the semester which for me, means crunch time. In the next four weeks I have two papers, four quizzes, a group presentation, a portfolio and two final exams to tackle on top of the day to day mommy business of making sure Nathan gets all of his stuff for school, Conrad has everything he needs for his school and we all at least have clean underwear. It's busy around here to say the least.

This past weekend my group members, Becky and Laura, came over to work on our presentation. Scotty wasn't feeling well so he was crashed out in our bedroom and for some reason I thought that the boys would calmly watch a movie while I took care of my school work. Silly me, I forgot that I gave birth to two giant hams who love the attention of anyone that they don't see regularly, particularly if said person is a cute 20-something lady. As my classmates sat there being bombarded with cries of, "Watch this!" from Nathan and squeals of delight from Conrad, I ran around the kitchen getting them drinks, finishing up the snacks I was making and trying to figure out how many people we were going to have for dinner.

It was another chaotic moment in Smurphland, the kind of scene that I'm so used to that I typically tune it out but because we were supposed to be working, I was unable to dismiss it so easily this time. Then I heard Becky lean over and say to Laura, "I love this, I want her life!" to which Laura responded, "Me too!" I was so surprised to have heard that I looked at them quizzically and said the most intelligent thing that came to mind. "Huh?!" "I want your life," Becky repeated.

I looked down at Conrad pulling my leg, Nathan running into the other room to find yet another Spiderman or Transformer to show off and the stray pieces of chopped onion and tomato that had somehow evaded the bowl of fresh salsa and were now scattered across the kitchen counter waiting to be picked up. I couldn't suppress the laugh that slipped out as I looked at these two young ladies, still in their early 20s with the world at their feet, waiting for them to make their mark on it. "I don't know about that, my life's a mess."

Becky looked at me with a smile and a look of complete sincerity. "I know it's not perfect but no one's life is."

Becky's simple statements have been on my mind all weekend. As Scotty and I wandered Costco with the boys excitedly sampling all of the snacks available, Nathan and I snuggled together for story time and Conrad and I took his basket for one more spin around the kitchen, I couldn't help but realize how right Becky was. Even last night as I got to the end of pulling an all-nighter and walked into our bedroom to wake Scotty up and found him and Nathan curled together, I couldn't help but remember how blessed I am.

My life isn't perfect by any means but it is so good. I am surrounded by three amazing guys who are near constant sources of love and laughter. They offer me support and encouragement as I pursue my personal and professional goals and they always know just what I need, when I need it. Sorry Becky, you gotta go make your own life, this fabulousness (and frustration!) are mine, all mine.

Nathan's First Soccer Season

2009-11-19T23:59:00.002-05:00

Scotty made a great video to commemorate Nathan's first venture into team sports, enjoy it!

Long time no write

2009-11-09T11:19:00.002-05:00

I have at least three entries rolling around in my head, fighting to get out and express themselves to the world at large. Unfortunately every time I sit down to make that happen life intervenes. Today it is in the form of an 18 month old crying because he wants whatever toy his brother picks up first. So rather than regaling the internet world with my success at Parent Teacher conference, my fears about next semester or my (mis-)adventures in trying to get to know the other moms in Nathan's class, I am off to break up the argument and promise that I will be back to make at least one real entry this week. Hopefully. :)

WAHOOOO!!!!

2009-10-28T22:21:00.002-04:00

I got my first grad school midterm back today and I got an A!! I walked out of the test unsure about how I had done and thinking that I would likely get a B. A B is fine, don't get me wrong, but I have aspirations of making it through this program with a 4.0. At the very least I'd like a 3.75.

I've slacked off and half-assed my way through enough things in my life, I want to knock this one out of the park and with today's grade I know that I am capable of doing it. Yayayayayayay!!!!

Higher education

2009-10-06T13:58:00.002-04:00

One of our biggest projects in my graduate program is creating a professional portfolio. It serves as visual documentation of our proudest achievements, the things we have learned through the program, the goals we wish to achieve and our personal and professional growth. When we were initially told about our portfolio I felt both overwhelmed and relieved at the same time. Here was a project that would completely easy...sort of. I can tell you what I'm proud of in my life, what things I've accomplished and want to share and where I plan to go in career, simple.

Then I sat down to start my portfolio.

I got the first couple of things done quickly, make copies of my college and high school diplomas because truth be told I went to pretty prestigious schools and I'm flipping proud of it, include my Professional Goals, Strengths and Areas of Growth paper. Then what? I threw in a page that showed me with my Junior Achievement class that I taught in college and one that highlighted my stint as cheerleading captain in undergrad. Add my resumé, program of study, a couple of personality and occupational assessments and documentation of my membership in a few professional associations and I'm done. That's what I thought at least.

I met with one of my professors to go over my portfolio and although he had warned us that it would potentially be an emotional meeting I dismissed his warning. I mean really, who gets emotional over school work?

Turns out I do. I didn't cry like he said might happen, but I did feel very exposed. He was able to hear every thing that I never tell anyone just by paying attention to how the light in my eyes changed, how my voice sounded just a touch brighter or sadder or where I chose to be certain bits of info in my portfolio. My portfolio served as an open book to me more than I could have ever imagined and I was able to see how a truly gifted counselor can find the smallest crack and use it to open their client's mind and heart, it was absolutely fascinating.

I walked out after an hour and a half with ideas about the myriad of other things I can include in my portfolio and feeling as though a light had been shined into the corners of my mind exposing things that I hadn't even realized I had tucked away. And for one of the first times in my life I felt like professionally I am exactly where I want and need to be. I feel like I'm Cinderella and counseling is my glass slipper, it fits me perfectly.

I've been told by others who have been through counseling programs that while we begin the program anticipating that we will learn more about others and how to help them, we walk away having learned more about ourselves and I know that I am well on that path already.

Thanks for the help

2009-10-05T23:19:00.004-04:00

I'm sure you guys have heard me rave about them before, especially if you're a Facebook friend of mine, but I have THE BEST friends. Seriously, they are always there to support and encourage me right when I need it. Lately I've been feeling a little like I've spread myself too thin taking on being a full-time grad student, a wife and mother. There are days that I lock myself in my office to bang out a paper or stay late at the library to read another chapter, and I wonder what I'm missing.

Just as I reach the point of feeling like my head is going to explode, I get a phone call, text message or message on Facebook that keeps me going. My friends reach out to tell me that I can do this, that they're proud of me for chasing my dreams and that they're there to help however they can. God has blessed me many times over with the extended family He has brought into my life and I am so thankful for each and everyone one of them. Of you.

So here's my big thank you and I love you. You guys rock. :)

Before

2009-09-28T22:41:00.004-04:00

This past weekend my guys and I took a small road trip to head to a wedding. A friend of mine from high school and college was getting married and I was so excited to get to see him and finally meet his wife (they’ve been together six years and somehow in all of that time I’ve never managed to be in the same place as her!). As an added bonus two of his groomsmen were also friends of mine from college and I was looking forward to getting the chance to catch up with them a little and see what they’ve been up to. I mean, I’ve of course followed them on Facebook but that’s nothing like getting to sit down and have a face to face with someone.

The wedding was beautiful, a full Catholic mass in a cathedral full of stained glass where you could almost smell the history of the building. I had to sneak out to the cry room (well not so much sneak as dash just before the bridesmaids starting walking down the aisle!) and was sure I would have to miss all of the good stuff but fortunately I was wrong. The cry room was at the front of the church and had what I thought was a one-way mirror that allowed us to see and hear the entire ceremony. Turns out the glass...not so much one way! I noticed my friend look at me and smile and then whisper something to his bride, a clear sign that he could actually see me. Me being the trouble maker that I am I then took the opportunity to make faces at him during one of the prayers. After a quick admonishment from him I decided to play nice and tend to my restless child. :)

The real fun started with the reception though. There was good music, great food, an open bar and a photo booth. My favorite part however was getting to catch up with my friends from college. For just a few minutes I got to be who I was before. Before I was Scotty’s wife, before I was Nathan and Conrad’s mom, when I was just me. Don’t get me wrong, they were eager to meet my crazy boys and I had a great time dancing the night away with Nathan (we were the only ones out on the floor for the electric slide and we had a blast) but for just a few minutes of the evening I was just Tonya.

Scotty and I went to separate colleges with the intentions of having a full experience. As much as we loved and cared about one another, we lived by the principle of “if you love something let it go.” I am certain that the decision to grow and develop on our own in our own environments is a large part of what has made us as good as we are together. Then, and now, we’ve always respected each other for who we are individually and known that being strong in who we are ourselves only makes us stronger together. Because of that we both had wonderful college experiences where we made our own friends, had our own adventures and learned lessons we may not have been able to had we been literally at one another’s side the whole time.

Going back to school has reminded me of how it feels to be just me and I like how that feels. I have always been the type of person who does not like to be defined by just one aspect of who I am and being a wife and mother is no exception to that. As much as I enjoy being a mommy and staying home with my boys, it is only one aspect of me and I appreciate the opportunity to grow even more as just Tonya.

The reception reminded me that I need to take more opportunities to visit with my friends who knew me “way back when” and can keep me in touch with the person I was who has lead to me to who I am. I need to take more time remembering who I was before.

I love my husband

2009-09-20T15:38:00.002-04:00

Six years ago today I walked down the aisle towards the man of my dreams while a friend sang a beautiful operatic version of Ave Maria. Aside from the births of my children, it truly was the most memorable and amazing day of my life.

Scotty and I were already legally married on our wedding day, we had gone to the courthouse in Missouri two and a half months earlier, but that did not take away any of the excitement or detract from how truly special our wedding was. For us, the courthouse union was only a legality, one that had only been made possible in all 50 states 36 years before we signed our marriage certificate, so in our opinions did not validate us or our relationship. Our marriage truly began the day we stood in front of our family, friends and God and made our vows to one another.

Four years before our wedding day Scotty stood in my parents' kitchen and told me that we would be together forever and as much as I wanted to believe him, I figured that at 17 that just couldn't be true. Turns out he proved me wrong. Here we are over ten years later married with two beautiful boys living a life that at times feels like it's too good to be true. It's been a wonderful ride so far and I can't wait to see what's next.

So nervous

2009-08-26T23:47:00.003-04:00

It's all official. I am a full-time graduate student working towards my masters degree in school counseling. I am registered for three classes and have been oriented. And I feel like I want to puke.

Seriously, the last two and a half weeks have been a whirl and tonight it culminated in my being welcomed to the counseling program. I am so excited to get started and prove myself but the butterflies are working overtime. I know it's all going to be good in the end, I'm just getting a little dizzy trying to see down the tunnel.

So. I'm going to take this one day at a time. Forgive me if my absences get even worse than they have been. Send me positive notes if you think of it. Pray for my sanity and that of my family.

Oh and thank you all for your support and encouragement that has helped me get to this point. It means a lot to me. :)

I Heart Faces - Nostalgia

2009-08-24T08:31:00.005-04:00

This week's theme over at I ♥ Faces is nostalgia. I got so excited when I saw it because I knew that my husband (the man who is fabulous behind the lens but rarely steps out, so I do the blogging :)) had captured the perfect image. For as long as I can remember the heart of my family has been my Aunt Marlene. Holidays have been spent around her dining room table, children have learned to crawl and walk in her living room and her house has been filled with laughter. With Scotty being active duty Navy we don't get to spend nearly the amount of time with her that we would like but we always make her house one of our first stops when we visit home. This shot of my youngest son enjoying his snack while my aunt and uncle look on brings all of those memories full circle and brings me a sense of comfort that it can only be achieved by returning to the heart of yourself.

Head on over to I ♥ Faces and check out the rest of this week's entries. And make sure you have your kleenex ready, it's a moving week. :)

Timing is everything

2009-08-19T14:25:00.002-04:00

Moving to Memphis has been a lot harder on our family than I imagined it would be. While we really enjoyed our time in Norfolk, we did feel as though we were ready to move on and see something else and Memphis was a great place for that since it is so much closer to home for us. We've not settled in like we expected to however and it's proven to be much more of a challenge to adjust to the culture here. In the past couple of weeks things have begun to look up though and it all plays back into a plan that was set in motion years ago.

Five years ago I started the process of applying to graduate school to get my Masters degree in social work. I wrote the essays, found the references and in January 2005 I took the last step in the process and took the GRE.

In January 2005 I also got a wonderful surprise: I found out that I was pregnant.

My pregnancy trumped grad school and so I spent my time focusing on learning how to raise a child rather than learning how to help one work their way through the social care system. When December rolled around I wasn't preparing for finals, I was changing diapers and preparing for my first night out without my little man.

When we moved to Norfolk I again looked into graduate school only this time I was interested in counseling. I sent a few emails but the responses were less than hopeful or helpful, so I decided to focus my energy on being a mom. Along came another little man to run my days and I've stayed blissfully (most of the time) busy.

When we found out we were getting order to Memphis I glanced at the local college's graduate programs but decided that the time just didn't seem right.

Then God stepped in.

Not quite two weeks ago He led me to stumble upon a plan that offers tuition assistance for military spouses looking to further their career. That led to me sending an email to the program coordinator at the university which led to a meeting two days later. I walked out of the meeting with a feeling of joy and excitement that I've not felt in a long time. By Friday of that week I had lined up three letters of recommendation, written a professional statement, filled out the application for both the program and the graduate college and dug up those handy GRE scores from nearly five years ago.

After a quick meeting with the program coordinator, I found myself sitting in the vice-provost's office explaining the situation and why I was seeking expedited admission. She listened quietly and when I finished my story, she picked up the phone, made two calls and then turned to me and said, "Once the program accepts you we will as well, don't worry about having to wait for all of the official documents to come in." I danced out of her office I was so excited.

Today God placed another piece of the puzzle securely in place. The classes that I want to take meet on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, two during the day and two at night. The night classes shouldn't be too much trouble, Scotty can be with the boys. The day classes were proving a little more difficult to juggle. Nathan is fully taken care of, he can do before and after care at school, but the situation for Conrad is a bit more challenging. A good friend offered to watch him one of the days but that still left Wednesdays to be covered. The university does offer child care for students during class hours, however the child has to be 2.5. I instead started searching out Mother's Day Out programs and it seemed as though every one that I called either was not open on Wednesdays or did not have any openings. I stayed positive though because I know, deep in my bones I know, this is a God thing and He's going to take care of it all. And today he did. I called a program and the director happily told me that she only has one space available in the whole school and it is of course, for Wednesdays.

Everything is falling into place so quickly and smoothly, I could not be any happier with it all. I firmly believe that this is God's way of showing me that He really does know what's best for me, even when I have the audacity to question every step of it. I've been so busy finding reasons why Memphis is all wrong for us and lamenting how much I miss Norfolk that I failed to see the opportunities that are right here for me. It's all good though, because even when I was blind to them, God knew they were there. He was just waiting for the right time to put His plan in play and for me to be ready for it. And I am so thankful to Him for that because I know that I am more ready for this than I have ever been before and I am so excited to follow the plan that He has for me.

P.S. I realize the song playing is not totally relevant but it is from my favorite 80's movie and it says "time" in it so I deem it acceptable! ;)

The Last Step

2009-08-13T22:58:00.005-04:00

I've lined up the letters of recommendation, dug out my GRE scores, found copies of college transcripts, submitted the application to the graduate college and filled out the application for my program specifically. I'm now on the very last step, writing a professional and career goal statement. You guys know I have trouble getting things out right sometimes so here I am blogging my statement. Somehow things flow better when I know someone is reading it, so here we go.

The instructions: This statement should be a concise essay (500 words or less) that reflects your educational and career goals. Explain the nature of your specific interests, why you are suited for a counseling/ student personnel services career and your reasons for seeking admission to this particular program.

Many people spend a long time trying to find their passion in life. I am not one of them, I've always known what my passion is: children. As a little girl, when I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up it was always a profession that would allow me to work with kids. The answer ranged from a pediatrician, to a teacher, to a social worker or attorney. I was never able to nail down exactly what I wanted my job to be but I knew that I wanted it to be one that touched a child's life.

After the birth of my first son my desire to find a career took a backseat to learning the ropes of being a new mother, however it never disappeared. My dreams and plans did take a new direction because I knew that I now had someone that needed me around as much as possible. As much as I wanted to go out and help other children I knew that I could not do that without first taking care of my own child.

After doing more research into social work, teaching and the medical field and deciding that they did not fit the plan that I had in my head for my life and my family, I found counseling. Here was a position that would allow me to have an impact in a child's life every single day whether it be something as simple as helping them figure out a schedule or as big as helping them find the confidence to deal with a bully. I would go home every day knowing that I had done something to effect their world.

As a parent, I have the insight of knowing how I want my children to be treated and what level of respect I expect for them to receive in an educational setting and I believe that my perspective is one that can only help the families that I would work with in a school. My compassionate nature allows me to empathize with what a student may be going through while I also have the ability to clearly see a situation as it is and deliver fair and impartial advice.

I look forward to the opportunity to pursue my degree at the university and to take advantage of the wonderful resources offered. From the high success rate for graduates, to the phenomenal school placement program and the multiple certifications that the program holds, being a part of the Master’s Counseling Program is an honor I would be lucky to have.

I've been thinking

2009-08-12T11:27:00.002-04:00

And I've gotten a little more insight into the whole situation. I'm not going anywhere or locking anything up. See, I was wrong, I have more than two readers...I have THREE! And maybe in the next year we can increase that to SIX (go tell a friend guys!). I like writing and having whoever wants to read it, read it, regardless of whether or not I know them personally. I'm a blog-hopper myself, I love hearing about other people's pregnancies and day to day adventures.

The more I've learned about what was going on, the more I've realized it wasn't even about me and apparently they were all smart enough to leave my boys out of it all (because Lord knows I have one hell of a Mama Bear complex!). I promise to write it all out for you guys later and tell you exactly what's been going on as far as I know. I think it might be good for some of the people that were talking to know that I'm okay with it and that if they honestly have an issue with me, it's okay to grow a pair and address it directly to me. I'm a big girl, I promise I can take it.

Right now though, I have to run because I'm going to meet with an advisor at the university to talk about possibly starting a graduate program with them and I am n-e-r-v-o-u-s! Gotta go calm my nerves and focus my thoughts and energy. Pray for me you three!

Going Private

2009-08-11T17:37:00.002-04:00

Hello Loves! It's come to my attention that there are people out there who are taking information that I write here and using it in less than friendly ways. Rather than continue to give them material for their hatefulness, it's time for me to go private. I hate to do it, I really like knowing that whoever wants to read my stuff can but for my boys, I have to be more selective about who I share information with. My choices are to either censor what I write (BOOOOO!!!) or censor who reads it (still boo but something that I can live with).

Want to continue reading my random thoughts and ramblings? Send me an email with your email address and I'll add you to my list. Need my email address? It's my first and last name at gmail dot com. I'll leave everything open until Friday, after that it will be good night world wide web, hello selective audience.

Thanks guys, love both of you (you know...since I only have two readers ;))

Color Blind

2009-07-23T13:21:00.002-04:00

I stumbled across an interesting blog today, it's called Just Like Me Couples and I found it after doing some web-surfing about singer Heather Headley. I don't sing well, I've never been on Broadway and while I can shake my booty, I'm sure Heather would shame me in a dance-off but we do have something in common: we're both married to white men.

Although interracial relationships and marriages are becoming more common, black women with white men is still one that you don't see very often. In the almost eleven years that Scotty and I have been together we have only had one couple that we were friends with that is just like us, and we just met them here in Tennessee (coincidentally enough they are Navy as well). I do have a few girlfriends who are dating or married to white men but we are definitely the minority.

See interracial dating and marriage, it's still one of those pretty controversial things although people will rarely admit their true feelings about it. People will say, "Oh no, I think it's great!" but follow that statement up with, "But I could never do it," or "But I'm not sure I'd want my kids to do it." They give a number of reasons for their beliefs ranging from, "Well I want someone that I/they (their children) will have more in common with, you know, culturally." Right, because I have everything in common with alllll the black people out there and Scotty, man he's spot on for alllll white people. No. FAIL. Or "I just don't know if I could handle the judgment from family/friends." I appreciate this answer, it's honest and real because there is a lot of judgment out there from family, friends and complete strangers alike.

You'd be amazed (or maybe you wouldn't) at some of the things we've heard and the looks we've gotten as a result of our relationship. I actually had a friend tell me that she read (and the way she shared the information I think some part of her believed as well) that part of the reason that white men tend to be attracted to darker-skinned black women is because they are as far from a white woman that you can get and that showed a kind of conquest. My mind immediately thought, "So does that mean that when black men date a lighter-skinned woman it's because she's as close to a white woman as they could get?" but I know that response would not go over well so I just bit my tongue. We've had members of our own families question and sometimes reject us because of our relationship. Obviously it hurts but sometimes through pain we are able to grow stronger.

The thing that bothers me, that people seem to fail to realize is that Scotty and I didn't start dating because he's white and I wanted to lift my social status (yeah, I've actually heard that one too) or because I'm black and he wanted to "conquer" me (get your mind out of the gutter!!!). And we surely didn't get married with any of that in mind. We started dating because he made me laugh and taught me new things (I wouldn't have passed my chem final without him) and made my heart sing. We kept dating because I got to introduce him to new things he'd never experienced before (hello, Chinese food!) and we found out that we don't have a lot in common, we're actually opposites who complement each other very well. And we got married and started our family because we both realized that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives learning, exploring and growing together. We got married because despite the judgment, the comments, the questions and the challenges we love one another too much to ever be apart.

What's your number?

2009-07-22T22:58:00.002-04:00

I've been a bad blogger and haven't written in far too long. But I have good reason, I promise. Well, I have a decent reason. See, this is officially my 100th blog post. I figured for such an anniversary I needed to make it good, or at least worth the few minutes it will take to read it, and I was having a hard time picking a topic that seemed worthy of the position. However one thing seems to be on my mind more and more lately, so I figured I'd go ahead, get it out, ask you all for some input and make it the monumental 100th post!

I don't know if you all know this yet, but I see pregnant people. No seriously. I'm not talking like walking down the street and what not, I'm talking about dreaming about other people's pregnancies before they even really happen. It's happened multiple times, occasionally including people that I don't even speak to all that often. The last couple of weeks my third eye has been unusually active and has picked out two new pregnancies, both of which are the third child for the family. I'm incredibly excited for my friends but I have to confess, a little part of me wished it was me.

See, Scotty and I haven't completely settled on our number. He is perfectly content with having our two boys (he swears he was ready to stop after the first but I'm not really buying it :)) while I'm not so sure. Don't get me wrong, I love our boys, absolutely adore their ridiculous selves, but part of me feels as though someone is missing. I am happy with our family as it is and could find contentment in it being just the four of us but even with that I feel as though someone is missing. I look at pictures of the four of us and smile but know that there's someone that should be there but isn't yet or we'll be riding in the car and I look back to smile at the boys and feel as though we're short a child. I know, it's a little crazy.

The easy solution would of course be to just have another baby but with most things in life it's just not that easy. We know that we have at minimum another five years of the Navy lifestyle including multiple moves, workups and deployments. Is that something I want to face alone with three kids? I mean I've only got two hands, how's that gonna work out for me? And with those moves come the almost certain fate of paying for private school (because let's be honest, some of these sub bases are not in places with the best public school systems). Can we afford the caliber of education that we want for three children? Not to mention extra-curriculars, clothes, cars, college educations...it all just gets more and more expensive as they get older, are we really ready for that?

And don't even get me started on my desire to pursue and achieve my personal goals. I would love to say that I'm one of those people who's ultimate happiness is defined by my children and their happiness and success but I would be lying. I have my own personal and professional aspirations that have been laid by the wayside for now but I do plan on continuing to work to achieve them. As much as I love being my sons' mother it is only one part of me and I fully intend on continuing to grow and develop the other aspects of my self because there will come a day when they are grown and gone and don't need me nearly as much. I want to make sure that when that day comes I have plenty of Me left to be happy. Having another baby would put the pursuit of my career goals another five years or so into the future, am I ready to commit to that?

I wish there was some way to play each scenario all the way through and see how it all ends but unfortunately there isn't. Which leaves me here, sitting in our guest room/my office wondering what's our number? So help me out here, tell me your number and why and how you came to that conclusion (if that's not being too nosey or anything). Heck, email it to me if you don't want the world at large to know your business, my address is just my first and last name at gmail dot com. Seriously guys, in this, my 100th post, I'm asking you all, what's your number?

I like big butts and I cannot lie

2009-07-01T21:32:00.002-04:00

Pregnancy and childbirth does crazy things to your body. Where you once had smooth, firm skin you now have stretchmarks, my hips were actually narrower after having Nathan than they were before (this changed after Conrad) and my least favorite effect; my ass moved to my stomach.

No joke.

I once had this nice round, full butt but after Conrad was born that changed. All of a sudden I had this gut out front and my back and butt became one straight line. As a PBW (Proud Black Woman) this was NOT okay with me. I LOVE my curves. My husband loves my curves. And having one migrate to the front was by no means acceptable.

One of the first things I told Rell when we started working out was that I wanted my butt back. I even pointed out my idea of a great butt when we were hanging out in the weight room. She encouraged me to clean up my eating and cut back on my drinks (the South had me turning to alcohol a little too frequently) and said she'd help take care of the rest.

Two months later I've held up my end of the deal and she has as well. After a ridiculous number of squats, lunges (of every imaginable type; side, back, crossover and walking) and other burning, screaming, pain inducing gluteal workouts, my derriere is higher and tighter than it's been in a while. I actually caught myself checking out my own ass this morning while getting dressed. I had to stop, turn around and actually said out loud, "Damn you look good!" and as I headed off to finish getting dressed I shook my head because as much as I hated to stop watching myself in the mirror, I LOVED watching me walk away! ;)

Insomniac's inspiration

2009-06-26T06:08:00.003-04:00

I woke up about 3am and haven't managed to get back to sleep, so thought I would pass the time doing something semi-productive. You know, like surfing Facebook. It's productive, it's a great way to see what friends you've lost touch with are up to...right?

Tonight I stumbled across a friend I went to high school with, we were really close, bridesmaids in one another's weddings, she was one of the first people I called when anything happened in my life and without her I would never have made it through my boarding school. Unfortunately, as often happens, as both of our lives got busier we drifted apart and eventually lost touch. It's something I think about often enough to say it's on my mind but not frequently enough that I have done anything to change the situation. Until today at least.

Today I found she's heading to med school. Not a huge shock or surprise considering the high school and college I went to, I know no less than a dozen people who are in or have completed med school in the past few years. It sounds silly but at this point people becoming doctors is sort of a non-event to me, I've got my own personal second opinions on speed dial already. :)

What makes this friend different is that she has a four year old little girl. Shortly after we graduated from college she found out she was pregnant. She considered adoption but she and her now husband decided that it wasn't right for them and they were going to raise their daughter and be a family. She has always said that she still wanted to go to med school, it was just going to be delayed a little while her husband completed his graduate degree and I always hoped that she would. But you know how it can be once you have kids, things change, priorities change, dreams get deferred and then forgotten.

Not this time though, she held on to it, she continued to pursue it and this fall she's realizing it as she joins the class of 2013.

I needed to see that tonight, I needed that inspiration and motivation to know that having kids isn't the end game. I've always said that I have more to do in my life than just raise my boys but somehow in the day to day I seem to lose sight of what exactly that more is and get overwhelmed about how I can be a good mom and still reach for my goals. I know it's something that I have to do though, in order for me to be the best mother and wife I can be, I have to strive to be the best all around person I can and that means not giving up my goals or myself.

Thank you George for showing me that it is possible and inspiring me to go for it. Across the years and the distance, you have proven yourself to still be one of the best friends I have.

Whatever, crunch, crunch!

2009-06-06T09:01:00.002-04:00

The other day my friend Tiffany accused me of being totally granola and I told her that I was oatmeal at best and I was going to write a blog just to prove my point. I sat down this morning to start working on it but then remembered I needed to start stripping the cloth diapers so I could hang them out to dry this afternoon. Then Scotty came home from work and I had to get everyone dressed so we could head to the Farmer's Market. After a quick stop at the library we continued on to Whole Foods for some granola and other snacks. I finally made it back home to finishing stripping the diapers, hang them out and finish my blog and then it hit me.

Dammit, she's right.

Man, I feel like a woman

2009-05-27T21:36:00.002-04:00

*********WARNING: TMI AHEAD, TURN BACK NOW IF YOU WANT TO AVOID TMI***

4.5 years. That's how long I went without having a period. 4.5 blissful, cramp-free years. I know, it sounds crazy, I realize that. And if you're doing the math, yes, I really did get pregnant with Conrad without ever having a period, it really does happen.

See, I'm the case that is the basis for Old Wives' Tales like, "You can't get pregnant when you're nursing." For me, it has proven ridiculously true, I didn't get pregnant with Conrad until after I weaned Nathan (after almost 20 months, crazy, I know!), did a round of drugs meant to induce a period (which clearly did not work) and then finally just relaxed and stopped worrying about it for a while.

This time around things were different though. Conrad weaned right at his first birthday and less than a month later this heifer came showing up at my door, and I'm not happy about it guys, I'm really not happy! This morning I found myself planning what to wear and thinking, "Ooh, I'll wear my white shorts with...wait. No, no I won't wear my white shorts. Dammit!"

So here I am, back in the world of being a woman. I've received congratulations, condolences and even an offer to take me out to buy tampons (from my husband, the smart ass!) and still, I sit here in shock.

But you know what? I do feel like a whole woman again and I've even lost a pound or so (hello bloat!). So I guess maybe it's not so bad to be a girl again. But it was a really great 4.5 years.

Second time around

2009-05-21T14:34:00.002-04:00

Everyone tells you that things will be different with your second child and while I understood that, it's fun to watch exactly HOW things are different.

In a lot of ways both Scotty and I have gotten a lot better at this parenting thing (poor Nathan for being the guinea pig!). We learned that co-sleeping is not a bad thing but that everyone in our family sleeps better when we skip it (there is nothing that will wake you out of a dead sleep like smelly toes in your face!), that early bedtimes are a fabulous way to have quiet time together in the evenings (although Nathan is not such a fan of this one just yet) and most importantly for me personally, weaning does not have to be put off until the baby is ready to leave home for college...or their 20 months old which when you're still nursing feels about the same. You can wean a child at 12 months and they will be just. fine. And so will you.

The most important thing that I've learned is to not sweat the small things. Eating off the floor, eh, it's okay, I just cleaned it anyway. Rolling in the mud? It'll wash off in the tub. Sand thrown in the baby's hair? At least it wasn't his eyes. Tantrums from a one year old? Pure humor.

The other day Conrad spent his morning following me from room to room throwing himself to the ground in hopes of getting me fully acknowledge his displeasure with however I had wronged him. And I swear, I totally would have acknowledged him...if I wasn't busy laughing so hard I was going to pee myself! I wish I would have gotten the whole incident on tape, the "scream," the full body flop (although it was carefully orchestrated so that he wouldn't hurt himself) and the subsequent standing up and following Mommy to start it all over again when she moved to another room.

With Nathan a tantrum of this magnitude might have ended in me laying on the floor with him trying to figure out what I could do to make it all better and finally dissolving into tears myself when I realized there was nothing. But with Conrad...well it's the second time around and everything is different. ;)

My Nathan

2009-05-14T12:35:00.002-04:00

We're applying for Nathan to attend a new school, an all-boys school, here in Memphis and I am so excited about it. The opportunities and resources available to the boys there are phenomenal and I know that attending this school can open a lot of doors for him. I realize that sounds a little crazy since he's only three but with us moving so often we need every little bit of help that we can find to get him in to schools and programs at all of our different duty stations.

For the application I have to write a statement describing Nathan that covers his personality, character, interests and strengths, addresses the values and disciplines by which we're raising him and any circumstances or experiences which might help them better understand him.

Whew. It's a tall order, I've been struggling with it for a week or so. His interview (yep, he has to interview as well) is next week and I need to have the application in prior to that so today is do or die, I have to have this done. I sat down with paper and pen to knock it out and continued to draw a blank.

Then genius struck.

Here I am, at my blog writing my son's parent statement for his private school application. I realized that I think best when my fingers are moving over a keyboard and that I talk most openly and candid when I'm talking to you, my three readers. :) So here goes guys and thanks in advance for the help.

~~~~~~

All boy. That is one of the terms that is most often used by others to describe Nathan and in many ways it is true. He is a tough guy, always willing to climb higher, jump farther and yell louder. He enjoys playing outside, playing with trains, wrestling whoever will dare to take him on and using his imagination to make up his own games.

What isn't encompassed in the "all boy" tag and what others don't always get to see is the tender side of Nathan. The side of him that enjoys sitting in your lap and snuggling over a book, that will sit for long stretches of time drawing (surprisingly accurate) pictures of each member of our family and loves to play with "his baby," or as the rest of us call him, Conrad, his little brother. He also loves to help in the kitchen, although part of me thinks it's just so he can lick the beaters, and can make a mean peanut butter and jelly.

We have always tried to instill in him a strong sense of independence and he has taken that idea and run with it. He enjoys being in control of as many things as we allow him to be (i.e. picking out his own clothes and shoes, brushing his teeth and keeping his playroom clean) and steps up to be a strong helper in the areas where he cannot do things entirely on his own yet. His independence shines best when he is with a group of other children and steps into the role of leader and helper. He enjoys helping his friends and brother master new skills and is always happy to organize them into a game of any type.

Like most three year olds he does have his moments of frustration when things are not going exactly as he wants but with a reminder he is able to use his words and clearly communicate what it is that he does or doesn't want. He has very good verbal communication skills and we encourage him to use them. Of course he is three so that doesn't always work, but we have found that time outs and taking away privileges are very effective ways of disciplining him. We always make sure to speak with him and let him know why we can't do the activity that he was reprimanded for and how he can make better choices in the future.

As a Navy "brat" Nathan has experienced three moves, a six month deployment and a number of shorter separations from his dad. For many kids that much change can be unsettling but Nathan has taken it all in stride. His outgoing personality has allowed him to make friends quickly and adapt to each of the challenges set before him. We look forward to watching him as he continues to grow and discover more about himself and the world every day.

Dear Conrad

2009-05-08T16:43:00.005-04:00

I can't believe it's been a year since you've joined our family. It seems as though you've always been here, I can't remember what things were like before you joined us, yet at the same time I struggle with the idea that you're one already.

You've started to express your personality more every day and Daddy, Nathan and I love to see it. You love tickle wars, playing chase and snuggling with us but can also find contentment playing alone. You enjoy asserting your independence running around the house and exploring whatever you can get your little hands on.

One of my favorite things to do is watch and listen as the relationship between you and Nathan grows and deepens. I sometimes lay in bed in the morning just listening as the two of you giggle and play, perfectly happy to be in your own world.

I've watched as Nathan has grown up and learned how to be a wonderful big brother. I love hearing him talk about you as his "baby" and to watch him as he tries to teach you to say or do something new. It's even pretty entertaining to watch him try to redirect you a million times when all you want to do is join in whatever your big brother is doing. I have got to try to capture the pure joy that washes over your face when you see Nathan after being separated for any length of time, it's the look of a child that has found his best friend after a long absence. And it's justified because Nathan is your very best friend, a fact that I hope remains true your entire life.

Your presence has changed our whole family for the better, you have helped us all grow up a bit and have added a richness and depth to our family that we didn't even realize we were missing. Your laughter and smiles make our days just a little bit brighter and your big hugs and wet, sloppy kisses make us all feel like a million bucks.

You, sweet baby, have been a blessing and a joy to us every day and we so look forward to seeing everything that the future holds for you.

I love you so much, happy first birthday.

Love,

Mama

My neck, my back

2009-04-29T00:13:00.002-04:00

My neck and my back! (If you thought that was going to end any differently then shame on you and leave a comment so that I can laugh about the fact that our minds work so similarly. If you have no idea what I'm talking about disregard all of this.)

Rell a.k.a. Dragon Lady is working me hard. She is a fabulous trainer, I leave the gym after our sessions feeling sore and challenged, a great combination, and I can already feel my body getting stronger and more solid. Not only does she make me push myself, she is also a mom of two, so we have great conversations when I'm not getting my butt busted too hard to get words out.

My running is going well too. I've not had any more problems with my knee and am feeling really good as the distance is increasing. And while my energy is higher through out the day, I feel myself crashing much harder when evening rolls around. And this, dear friends, is why I have to cut this off so abruptly, my eyes are barely staying open, I have to go have my daily date with ibuprofen and go crash.

I promise to be back soon with pictures from Conrad's first birthday party and stories of our adventures.

Back to the grind

2009-04-20T13:56:00.002-04:00

Despite my plan to do otherwise, I took the recommended two weeks off to rest my knee and today is going to be my first day back on the pavement. I'm planning on taking it slow and hopefully I won't have any more problems with it although I am still going to have the MRI (whenever they finally get me in).

In addition to running I'm starting a weight lifting regimen tomorrow with my new *dum da da dum* PERSONAL TRAINER! That's right, I now have my very own personal trainer that I will be meeting with twice a week to help me get in serious shape. I'm really excited about her, we're going to do some really great work together, I can already tell.

My goal is to be back to (or at least really close to) my high school weight in about six months. I'll definitely be taking pictures along the way although I'm going to be perfectly honest and tell you guys that I'm not going to share them with the world at large until there's a definite improvement over where I am now. Call me vain or self-conscious or whatever but you guys do NOT need to see what I'm working with just yet. :)

Don't worry though, it shouldn't be long before I'm ready to let you on my fabulousness! Until then just please keep sending me prayers, thoughts, vibes and everything else that you've got that my knee stays good and that I can get my mileage up where I need it to be to be ready for October. Just over six months left!

Knee update

2009-04-08T22:56:00.002-04:00

I went to the doctor about my knee and they gave me the standard Navy answer: take 800mg of ibuprofen, rest it for two weeks and we'll see where we are then. They also put in an order for an MRI.

I've been feeling pretty sluggish during this rest period so my plan is to take the ibuprofen, rest it for a week and start back easy. I'm definitely going to keep the appointment for the MRI just to make sure I didn't do any actual damage but I can't sit around for two weeks, I just can't. I feel my butt and gut expanding already. I'll let you know how my plan goes, hopefully I'll be right back on track in no time.

Best friends

2009-04-07T17:26:00.003-04:00

I found out about this site, www.iheartfaces.com, that does photo contest every week through another blogger who also happens to be a military wife (and a damn awesome photgrapher as well, check her out at http://majorfam.blogspot.com). Every week they have a different theme and this week it's "My friend and me."

For military brats it can sometimes be hard to find a best friend who really understands everything that you're going through. Lucky for Nathan he met a great friend when he was only six weeks old who's daddy's next duty station was the same as his daddy's. For the next three years Nathan and Campbell developed a friendship that is truly something beautiful to see. Just before we moved I was able to snap a few shots of them and this one captures their relationship perfectly. Best friends, snuggle buddies and partner's in crime. We love you Campbell and miss you so much.

Be sure to head over www.iheartfaces.com to view all of the other entries as well, they're all great.

What goes up, must come down

2009-04-05T21:30:00.002-04:00

Or fall down in my case.

I fell down the stairs twice in as many days and even managed to twist my knee the second time. I told Scotty that I think my feet are just unusually slick (I don't wear shoes in the house ever) but he just shook his head at me.

Whatever the reason, I've been resting my knee for a few days and am hoping to get out and start running again tomorrow depending on what my coaches say. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I have a few informal coaches helping me get ready for this marathon. Two of them are fellow military wives who have run a combined dozen or so marathons and the third is a friend that we've made since moving to Tennessee who runs marathons and ultra-marathons (62 miles!).

With their help I know that I'm going to be able to achieve my goals. Well you know, once I stop falling down the damn stairs.

Here goes nothing

2009-04-01T19:08:00.004-04:00

A big piece of my new project fell into place today, I'm getting more excited about it. Now that I have made that part of it official I feel more confident in sharing my baby with the world at large.

I signed up today to run the Marine Corps Marathon on October 25, 2009.

I'm scared about it, it's a big undertaking, but I have some great friends joining me on this journey and I know it's going to be worth every, sometimes painful, always challenging, step. I do want and need all of the support that I can get though so I'm reaching out to my internet world of friends asking for your help. Even the lurkers. I plan on staying accountable to you guys and updating you with how things are going as the miles I run each week increase so any and all comments and support you can lend me will be greatly appreciated.

*deep breath* Here goes nothing...

Lucky

2009-03-30T22:53:00.003-04:00

And blessed. I'm both but sometimes I forget or it's just hard for me to see it. Thankfully my boys, all three of them, always remind me.

In other news, I'm working on a new project, a big one. It's sort of related to the quarter-life crisis. So far it's going well but nothing will be final until October but I could definitely use lots of prayers to help me through because it is not going to be easy. I'll update more as things firm up some but for now I'm gonna stay ambiguous, it'll keep you guys coming back, right?

And no, it's not another baby. ;)

Quarter-life crisis

2009-03-24T11:05:00.001-04:00

I'm there. It's not fun, it sounded much better when John Mayer was singing about it.

If I had $h!t on a stick...

2009-03-12T22:26:00.002-04:00

I walk into the room with a handful of dried fruit.

Nathan: Mommy what are you eating?

Me: Poop.

Nathan: No, what's in your hand?

Me: Poop.

Nathan: Can I have some?

I'm telling you folks, it doesn't matter what's entering my mouth, one or both of the boys is insistent on getting a piece of it! You'd think that with as much food as I end up giving away there'd be a lot less of me. :P

Settling in

2009-03-09T22:01:00.002-04:00

Things are really calming down around here now and it's a nice feeling. Scotty has started back to work and although he's not been terribly busy just yet we all know it will pick up soon. The boys are really enjoying the new house and are comfortable running around playing chase, yelling and doing all of the things kids do to make a house a home. Me, I'm just taking it all in and enjoying every second.

It's definitely a lot different down here but I think a lot of that is because we went from living in the city in Norfolk to living in definite suburbia. Everything is a little bit slower here but slower is nice for now. We have great neighbors, the couple right next door has a son five minutes older than Conrad. They're wonderful, we went over and hung out for a barbecue Saturday night and she made some of the most fabulous margaritas I've ever had (and I LOVE margaritas!). The best part about them was that even though I had four (or was it five?) I felt completely fine the next morning and trust me, she wasn't holding anything back on these suckers. It's amazing what good tequila can NOT do to you.

The house is pretty much unpacked, we're just working on getting all of the little things taken care of like pictures hung on the wall, finding a place for all of our little things and making it feel more like ours. We've been enjoying the longer hours of sunlight by spending the time outside playing on our bicycles (Nathan just got his first big boy bike this past weekend), playing with chalk and today the big boys (Nathan and Scotty) even went fishing.

Yep, it's looking like things are going to be pretty good here.

He's off!!

2009-03-05T11:35:00.002-05:00

My baby is walking!!

Before we left Norfolk I did everything that I could do to get Conrad to take his first step in our house so that we could say that both of our boys started walking there. The best he gave me was a step in the neighbor's house which I called good because I love my neighbors out there.

Then not even a week later we were hanging out here in Memphis and he took three steps, I almost screamed I was so excited for him. Scotty said it was probably just a fluke and he wouldn't do it again for awhile. Little man takes after me and loves to prove his daddy wrong, so took off the next day doing 6-7 steps at a time. He even called himself trying to turn around a couple days ago! I guess he just wanted to wait until we got here so he could have his own song. :)

It's one of those bittersweet moments, as proud as I am of him, I want Conrad to stay a baby for me for just a little while longer. I knew that he would do things faster than Nathan did, he is bound and determined to catch up to his big brother, I just didn't know how sad it would make me feel to see my baby growing up.

On the upside however, I get to watch the boys start to play together even more. Nathan loves to wrestle around with Conrad and Conrad still has the look of hero worship every time he sees Nathan. We went to pick Nathan up from school the other day and the hall literally echoed with the squeal Conrad let out when he saw him. It won't be long until the thunderous sound of four feet running around the house will fill the air. *sigh* Oh the joy of children!

Welcome to the South

2009-03-01T23:29:00.006-05:00

Nathan has been having a little bit of a hard time settling in here in Tennessee and accepting that this really is where we live now. He has been asking when we can go back home to Virginia, to his red and white house and I just keep telling him that this is our new home. Yesterday though, his outlook on living in Tennessee changed a little for the better.

Nathan has been totally into the concept of snow lately although he'd only seen it maybe three times and never in a situation where it was enough to actually play with or build a snowman. He was so insistent in wanting to see snow and play in it that we were working on planning a trip to Colorado to see Nate, Scotty's best friend and the best man from our wedding, so our Nathan could enjoy romping through the Rockies around Boulder making snowmen and snowangels to his heart's content.

Fortune smiled on us and February 28 saw about 5.5" of snow sitting in our front yard. Nathan was napping when the snow started up and Scotty and I watched it falling hoping at least a little of it would stick around for Nathan to see when he woke up. Turns out we got more than we could have hoped for, by the time Nathan woke up there was plenty of snow for us to go out and play. We all bundled up (even Conrad) and headed out to have an adventure.

Nathan and I each made a great snow angel before Conrad got cold and I ended up bringing him inside to warm up. The big guys stayed outside throwing snowballs, making tracks and nuking up a snowman (most people just roll up piles of snow, not my guys, they brought out boxes so that they could properly pack the snow then carve balls out of it!). By that point Conrad had warmed up so he and I rejoined them and found that they had been joined by our next door neighbors. The neighbors are fabulous and had brought celery for his arms, cherries, carrots and almonds for his eyes, mouth and nose and the special touch that only they could offer us, Mardi Gras beads with dolphins on them.

Today we went back out and played some more with our friends Nick and Lindsey and their son Cayden. Everyone had a great time and in true southern fashion the snow is already starting to melt, my kind of snowstorm. I think this place is going to be pretty good for us. :)

Our little snow baby (with two chins!) :)

The reason I was glad Conrad needed a break from the cold!

My Nathan's snow angel, don't you love it?!

My three boys posing in our winter wonderland. God is so good to me.

Our family posing with our new snowman friend. His Mardi Gras necklace, courtesy of our neighbors, has dolphins on it because the know that Scotty is a sub guy. Cute, huh?

First day of school (take two for the year)

2009-02-28T21:36:00.000-05:00

Nathan had his first day at his new school today. I walked him in this morning and as soon as we reached his classroom he stopped and pulled back on my hand. “No Mommy. I want to go to MY school, with MY friends. I don’t want to go to this school.”

My heart broke. As hard as this move is on me, I can only imagine how much worse it is for him. We did our best to explain what was going on and he’s quick to tell you about his new house, that he now lives in Tennessee instead of Virginia, and that he is going to get to go fishing and see Grandma more often. However in his mind all that was gained in the move was simply in addition to all of the friends and activities that he had in Virginia.

Scotty and I have often said that this lifestyle, him being in the Navy and being gone so much in addition to the moves, would be so much easier if we didn’t have children. We’re adults and no full well what’s entailed in the job and so are entering it with our eyes wide open, sadly it’s not quite so clear for our boys. They (well Nathan at least) only know that Daddy has to go away a lot, sometimes for a really long time and that they’ve now been uprooted from all that they know to start over in a new house with a new school, new friends and new teachers.

They’re great boys though, they’re doing so well with the transition. After Circle Time started Nathan settled right in to his classroom and I was able to sneak out. When I went to pick him up this afternoon his teacher said that he did a great job and was really happy. He ran to me giving me a big hug and telling me all about his day. It looks like he’s settling in quickly and making friends already. Now if only he could help me meet some new people we’d be doing about perfect. Hmm...playdate anyone?

Is it done yet?

2009-02-28T21:34:00.000-05:00

They say that moving is one of the most stressful events that you can experience in your life. Lucky us, being a military family moving is a necessary part of Scotty’s job. You’d think that having a few moves under our belt already (this is our sixth in the five years that we’ve been married) we’d be old pros but sadly that is so not the case. In the past few days I have found myself alternately gazing at my husband adoringly feeling as though I am the luckiest woman on God’s green earth and looking at him wishing that my expression and the thoughts running through my head would be enough to strike him down where he stood.

This too shall pass though, right? Eventually all of the boxes will be unpacked, both boys will be good and settled into their regular routines and peace will once again reign in our household. Until then we’re all thanking God for the extra space in the house so that everyone can retreat to their own corner when the stress gets to be too much.

It's just what we do

2009-02-04T23:05:00.002-05:00

I know I've mentioned it before but it bears being said again; the last few weeks have been H-A-R-D. The movers will be at our house two weeks from today and there is still a ton to do. It's not anything huge but without Scotty around even the small tasks seem overwhelming. I'm no good at getting motivated to clean and organize on my own. Add in the boys and my head is constantly spinning.

I was talking to a friend of mine about my ever growing to-do list the other day and ended my tirade with, "I don't know if I can even begin to get this stuff done." She bluntly told me, "You'll do it, you're a Navy wife, it's what we do."

It sounds so hokey but it's true, that's what military wives do. We complete huge tasks, whether it be getting a household ready to move, going through a pregnancy and childbirth or just getting through the craziness of everyday life, without the benefit of having our husband home to help us. We're not alone in our endeavors though, we have an army of sisters standing by, ready and willing to help us however they can.

In the past few weeks I have had so many women offer to help me however they can whether it be taking my boys for an afternoon, coming over to help me organize or just helping me escape into a good cup of coffee (or a good glass of wine!) and each of these offers has come from a fellow military spouse. They know how I feel because they have been there.

It's amazing to me to know that I have all of these people only a phone call away so ready and eager to help me out. And my friend is right, I will get everything checked off of my list and in two weeks when the movers come we will be ready to roll. But I won't do it alone, I'll have the help of so many wonderful women near and far who so openly offer me their support. They don't do it wanting or expecting anything in return.

It's just what they do.

The grass is always greener

2009-02-02T20:52:00.002-05:00

Unless you live under a rock I'm sure that you have heard of and most likely joined, the Facebook revolution. Seriously, that joint is hopping, everyone from my friends' younger siblings to former teachers and friends' parents are on there. It's like MySpace with class (no offense to those who are completely into MySpace).

Lately over on Facebook there has been a meme going around challenging users to list 25 random facts about themselves. I got tagged a few times before I decided to sit down and give it a shot. Turns out coming up with 25 things is harder than you might think. I mean yeah, there are at least 25 facts about my life but are there 25 things that people would actually care about? Doubtful but I figured I'd give it a shot. I mean this page gets at least a few hits a day so obviously someone out there cares about my rambling.

In coming up with my list I hit on a subject that has been weighing on more lately than it usually does: my life accomplishments. Or in this case, lack thereof in the professional arena. If you had asked me at the age of 17 where I would be in ten years I likely would have said married. I might have even said married to Scotty. Not so likely would have been the two kids, the stay-at-home position and the lack of a professional career.

From the time I was in elementary school I wanted to be a doctor. Through middle school honors classes, science and math summer camps, summer sessions at Duke University and two years at a science and math boarding high school, medical schoool was my end goal. I applied to colleges that would help me reach my ultimate dream and ended up attending one that had an incredible pre-med program. My dreams were all falling into place.

Then freshman year, while fighting to survive chemistry (despite all the science in my background, chemistry and I are NOT friends) I looked down the road that lay before me. I saw the years of schooling, training and long hours ahead of me and remembered what a great friend of mine had told me when I was 13 (yeah, I've got a memory like a trap, don't tell me anything if you don't want it to be at my fingertips to recall years down the road, it's actually a little weird and creepy, even to me). My friend told me, "Tonya, if you're going to be a doctor, make sure you don't have kids until you're completely finished with all of your training, it's not fair to them. The moving, the time away, it's really hard, please don't put them through it."

Adriana was speaking from experience, her mom was a physician and they had moved quite a bit as she moved from residency to fellowship to actually getting a job. It was hard on Adriana, I remember hearing her talk about how hard it was and not fully understanding because I hadn't been there, I went to school with the same kids from first grade on, but wanting to help and support her however I could. I knew that she was right about waiting to start a family but I also knew that I didn't want to wait that long.

Turns out I didn't have to wait long at all, 15 months after our wedding, Scotty and I found out that someone was coming along to hang out with us. Nathan was a surprise, we knew we wanted children eventually but weren't ready to start trying for them just yet, but as happens so often, God had other plans.

I had been applying to grad school when I found out I as pregnant but that was put on hold until the baby got a little older. When we put in our dream sheet for Scotty's first sea command we based it largely on areas that had universities that I could attend to pursue a graduate degree, even putting that as an argument for why they should station us at one particular port. Turns out the Navy had other plans.

With that challenge set before me I decided to take the situation that I have been given and embrace and make it work for me. After Nathan was born he turned my world upside down. That's his job, kids change you, top to bottom, inside and out. I no longer wanted to pursue the same goals, I wanted to find something that would allow me a great balance between my family and my professional life. Until I figured out what that was I chose to focus on my family for now and give them everything I have. Along came Conrad and here we are.

From the first "Mommy?" in the morning until I hear the final baby snoring, I'm theirs. I give them everything that I've got and in return they give me smiles, laughter, love, hugs and sloppy kisses. It's a pretty nice paycheck.

But at the same time I find myself looking at my peers, the doctors, lawyers, educators, counselors and so many other professionals that I went to high school and college with and I feel like I'm behind. It's like the boat left and I forgot to get a ticket. Facebook, that wonderful, horrible tool, allows me to see how great the other side is and I have to confess, sometimes I wish I was over there. I'd love to be living in New York City, Chicago, D.C. or L.A. chasing my dreams instead of living wherever the Navy tells me and chasing stinky butts.

But you know, at the end of the day I've got three men that mean the world to me. They look at me and I see love shining back telling me that I'm doing a good job and that I'm right where I need to be for now.

Even if the grass is greener over there, I'm sure there's still poop hidden in it.

And release...

2009-01-29T18:03:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks have been crazy busy with trying to get the house on the rental market, trying to make sure that everything is ready with the house in Tennessee and getting Scotty ready to head out for his last underway on his current boat. I was kind of hoping that now that he's off safely, the house is on the market and pretty much everything is settled with the move I'd have a chance to catch my breath.

Not so much.

Friday night the whole fam-damily ended up camping out in the emergency room of our local children's hospital due to Nathan's asthma acting up. By the time the doctor saw us (about three and a half hours after we got there) Nathan's lungs had cleared up thank goodness, and the doctor seemed to doubt that Nathan even has asthma. Tuesday night Nathan complained that his ear hurt. I thought he was just trying to get out of eating dinner (not uncommon when he decides that he doesn't like what's being served) and just dismissed him. Twenty minutes later he was in full meltdown mode and I was on the phone with the doctor. They scheduled him for first thing the next morning and we settled in to figuring out how we were going to make it through the night. After a dose of Motrin and two of hours of being held and rocked, Nathan finally fell asleep.

The next morning he bounced out of a bed like nothing had happened, he was completely back to his happy, fully healthy self. He wanted to skip the doctor but I insisted we head in and thank goodness I did. They examined him and asked about his history with ear infections (pretty much non-existent, he's had a few but nothing excessive or anything). The doctor leaned back and said, "Well his ear is infected (no surprise there) and the membrane has perforated." I was shocked. Seems as though my poor guy went from clear ears Friday to an infection that caused so much pressure and build up that his eardrum actually ruptured, no wonder he was in so much pain!

He feels totally fine now and is on a round of amoxicillin to clear everything up. He's eardrum should heal in 10 days or so and until then we're being very careful about getting water around his ears, I don't want the infection to get any worse or anything. That stinks since we were right in the middle of swim lessons (Nathan on his own and Conrad in Mommy and Me) but we'll just pick it up again when we get to the new house.

Now that we've gotten over that we're on the road to a smooth last underway *knock on wood* and a great move halfway across the country. I'm taking full advantage of this little bit of down time to finally breathe...and release...

It just keeps getting better

2009-01-20T23:33:00.005-05:00

Ten years ago today I left my dorm room to go for a walk with a quiet boy from Blanchard, Oklahoma. We wandered the campus of our school holding hands and talking and by the time I got back to my room that evening we were "official". I was wearing his class ring as a declaration of our new relationship and I couldn't imagine being any happier than I was at that moment. Almost three years later I found out how much happier I could be when that same boy replaced his class ring with a diamond one and asked me to be his wife. Things have only gotten better with time. We now have two beautiful boys and looking at that quiet boy still gives me butterflies and makes me grin like I'm 17 again.

Today as we celebrated ten years of fun, love, laughter and growth, we took joy in celebrating a huge moment in history that really hit home for our family. Today the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, took the oath of office. It was a moment that brought tears to my eyes because in seeing President Obama, a biracial kid who grew up unsure of who he was and what world he belonged to and was able to become a man who is full of confidence and is the leader of our great nation, I see everything that my sons can be. He is such an incredible person and a wonderful role model for my sons, I gladly look forward to seeing where he leads our country from here and to rising to meet the challenge that he issued each of us today to take responsibility for what comes next in our nation's history.

I can't even imagine how much change the next ten years will bring to my life, but regardles I can't wait because it just keeps getting better and better.

It's so hard to say goodbye

2009-01-16T15:52:00.002-05:00

Our move is coming out quick and every single day I find another reason why I would love to stay in Norfolk. I never would have imagined feeling this way almost three years ago when we found out we were heading to Virginia but we have really made a home and a life here unlike anywhere else we've lived.

Tuesday night I met with my book club, a wonderful group of women who are all older than me (by anywhere from five to 18 years) and have so much to offer. Not just friendship but stories and lessons learned from their experiences, new ways of looking at and thinking about things and great new wines to try. We all sat around until 11:30pm enjoying wine and one another's company and I left dreading the fact that our next meeting will be my last. I hope that I can find another group of women even half as amazing as the ones here at our next station but I know there's no guarantee of that.

Thursday was a two-fer day of why to stay here: the discovery of a new Philly cheesesteak place (omg, soooo good!) and a new friend for Nathan and me. For the last four months we've spent our Tuesday mornings at gymnastics class, Nathan making a new friend as they bounce and tumble and me making new friends on the sidelines laughing at how ridiculous our children are. Allison has watched Conrad grow and I've watched her tummy grow (yay for a new baby!) and finally on Thursday we decided to hang out outside of gym class. The boys had a blast playing cars and being rough like boys are and we had a great time hearing the funny background stories that you never get around to sharing until you're one-on-one. As a fellow military spouse and someone who grew up as a military brat, she understands how hard it is to move and start over with everything which makes all that much harder to know that we only have few weeks left.

On the upside we have many things to look forward to once we do arrive in Tennessee. Nathan will be starting at his new school immediately, we're moving into a great house and we will have awesome friends there already (with the hopes of others showing later). Somehow though, those things aren't making the leaving any easier.

So until then we plan on filling our days and weeks with all of the playdates and trips to the zoo, library, Y and all of our favorite restaurants that we can stand because even though saying goodbye is going to be hard, we plan on going out with a flourish.

The Boy is Mine

2009-01-10T20:05:00.007-05:00

We are constantly playing jokes on one another in our house, it's one of our things. You never know when someone is going to jump from behind a door or around the corner or is going to "lose" something of yours or pretend to drive off without you (we had a particularly funny incident of this in an empty Home Depot parking lot recently but that's not the point of this story). Nathan has totally gotten into the joke playing and is known to hide under the dining room table or in his tent to try to pretend he's missing or to get the opportunity to jump out and scare you. Sadly his giggles always give him away but we always play along anyway.

Yesterday Conrad and I went out running errands and he fell asleep on the way home. I took advantage of his snoozing and let him continue his nap in the car while I unloaded the groceries without him crawling after me each step of the way. When I showed up at the door without him Nathan's first question was "Mommy, where's Conrad?" I gave him my most serious look and answered, "Oh no! I forgot him at the store! Let me get these groceries in and rest for a bit then I'll go back and get him."

Nathan was not amused. "Mommy, you have to go get him now. Go get Conrad." He usually goes along with my jokes pretty well so I asked, "Well why now, I'm a little busy, can't it wait?" "No Mommy, it can't." Curious as to where this was going I asked why not. "Because he's mine and I want him now." That was the best reason I could have ever heard to end the joke so I went out and woke Conrad up to bring him to his big brother.

I know it sounds really lame but those two little words, "he's mine," made my whole entire day. When Scotty and I were trying to decide whether or not we wanted a second child I kept coming back to the fact that I wanted Nathan to have a sibling, someone who knows his story because it's so similar to their own. Someone that will always be in his corner no matter what happens or who or what is against them.

When I found out that Conrad was a boy I confess to having been a little disappointed, I just knew that we were having a girl, the pregnancy was so different and that was how I'd always pictured our family. I called my mom expecting to get some sympathy but instead she asked one question. "Tonya, why did you tell me you wanted to have another baby?" And she was right, as much as Conrad was for Scotty and me, he was our gift to Nathan as well and what better gift could we have given him then a little brother, a future partner in crime and best friend.

I've written before about how Conrad lights up when he sees Nathan and how he thinks his big brother is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread but with two simple words Nathan showed me that he feels the exact same way about his baby brother. What more could I want?

I promised you pictures!

2009-01-05T08:03:00.011-05:00

How is it that we spend all year looking forward to the holiday season and then it's over in what feels like the blink of an eye? Our family stayed here in VA for the holiday season but still managed to feel like we're running the whole time by going to a wedding (congrats Barb and Chris, Nathan says you threw a great "dance party"!), taking a mini-vacay to DC, shopping, eating, hanging out with friends and enjoying tons of family time.

But of course all good things must come to an end and this morning marks the end of our fun Christmas break and the return to our routine of school, gymnastics and playdates. It's not a sad thing, Nathan is thrilled to be going back to school (and to be perfectly honest I'm excited about it as well!) and can't wait to hang out with his friends and share the loot that he got for Christmas and I am more than happy to indulge him with all of the playdates his little heart desires because in six short weeks we're going to be leaving the area. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown, two and a half years passed so quickly, it feels as though we just closed on our house.

In anticipation of the upcoming move we have been trying to take advantage of the area we live in by eating at our favorite local restaurants, visiting our favorite haunts and enjoying the proximity of DC and Baltimore. In pursuit of this last goal we took a mini-vacation just after Christmas and went to spend the day at the National Aquarium in Baltimore then returned to DC to spend the day at the Natural History Museum and the Washington Monument. Nathan loved it all although his favorite part of the whole trip might have been the hotel. He even went so far as to invite a couple of my girlfriends back to his room. What can I say, he knows he's got it. Sadly they are both married so they had to turn down his offer. Next time Player, next time. :)

The boys were checking out the view from our room. We stayed out in Crystal City so there wasn't really much to see but they enjoyed watching the cars drive by.

Conrad really took a liking to the handsome devil in the mirror!

The dolphin show at the National Aquarium in Baltimore. It was really great, I definitely recommend checking it out if you visit which I highly recommend.

Mr. GQ waiting for us at the top of the rainforest exhibit. He got up there first and then started feeling a little impatient so struck this pose. :)

My wonderful friends Bana and Nicole met up with us at the aquarium. I hate that we're leaving the area so soon, these ladies are so much fun to hang out with. I can only imagine what would happen if we added all of the husbands to the mix as well!

The obligatory family shot. 3/4 of us are looking at the camera, that's good enough, right?

What could possibly be more fun than playing hide and seek in a hotel room?

The big boys checking out some fossils. Nathan had a blast asking "Daddy, what's that? What's that Daddy?"

The statue was of a lady nursing her baby. We laughed because at any given point in any day it could be me nursing Conrad (greedy kid!).

He thinks the exploration room at the Natural History Museum is fun!

Listening to the ocean waves.

Oh no, the shark is eating us!!!

Another family shot, this time at the Washington Monument.

My three boys, I am so blessed.

At the end of a long day it's time to hop on the metro and head home. Until next time DC.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2008-12-26T08:41:00.003-05:00

I LOVE December, it's my favorite month of the year. Everyone is in good spirits, no matter what the temperature there is a warmth in the air and there are great smells everywhere. It doesn't hurt that my birthday is also in December. I do enjoy Christmas and love the real reason for the holiday, but my birthday is hands down my favorite thing about December.

A lot of people are not so crazy about having birthdays close to Christmas but I love it, I wouldn't want to change it and I have my mom to thank for these positive feelings. Growing up she always made sure that my birthday was it's own separate celebration and it was often bigger than Christmas. We didn't always have the money to go all out and get lots of Christmas gifts but no matter what my mom always found the money to get me a cake (typically an ice cream cake) and birthday presents. Her going all out for my birthday is the reason why I now go all out for my boys' birthdays, they're really special to me.

There is typically a standing rule in our house that birthday gifts are NOT to be combined with Christmas gifts, my mom started it forever ago and I've not managed to let it go. However this year my present was so amazing that I let the rule go, this year Scotty got me the Canon Rebel XSi. I am in camera heaven guys, it's so sweet!

I received Christmas Eve and for the first time in a long time I was the first one up Christmas morning waiting for Nathan to come downstairs so I could capture his face when he saw his presents. My excitement was rewarded and Nathan was thrilled to see his rocketship waiting in his playroom. He enjoyed his other gifts as well but the rocket was a huge hit, we spent all day yesterday going to the moon and he woke me up at 7:15 this morning for a return trip.

This afternoon we're heading up to the DC area for another of his gifts, actually a gift for the whole family. Nathan mentioned a few weeks back that he wanted to go see the dinosaurs "far, far away where we have to stay at the hotel" so we're going to visit the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. We'll also be heading in to Baltimore to visit the National Aquarium up there (if you haven't been before you must go, it's amazing!).

Expect many pictures when we get back, the new baby will be going with us. Until then enjoy a few pictures of the boys' Christmas and happy holidays feom our family to yours!

Conrad was checking to see if the reindeer ate all of the food we put out for them the night before!

"What? You mean this isn't mine?"

Nathan's all ready for blast off!

Conrad was pretty excited about his music table (excuse the purple mouth, we've been fighting a battle with thrush and gentian violet is our good friend right now)

Ain't No Other Man

2008-12-19T00:50:00.007-05:00

This morning started as perfectly as any morning can when Scotty isn't home; I woke up to my phone ringing his ringtone. Unexpected phone calls are the best, they put a smile on my face all day. I only got to talk to him for a few minutes but getting to hear his voice however briefly is always a treat when he's underway.

After we hung up I got the boys up and we got our (completely lazy!) day started. As we made pancakes, played, snapped pictures and just goofed off I looked at them in amazement. Every now and then I have these moments that stop me in my tracks. Moments where I think, "Oh my gosh, I'm a MOTHER! I'm married and have kids and bills and all kinds of responsibilities, this is crazy! They're going to come take it all away soon because they must know I'm faking!"

I know it sounds crazy, it is crazy. But I married the boy I fell in love with at 17 and even after spending the last almost ten years hanging around each other he still gives me butterflies. I feel like someone's going to catch on to the fact that we're just a couple of kids playing house any time now.

I can't tell you the number of people that said we would never make it this far. We were told that high school sweethearts can't make it, we'd each go to college (we went to separate ones) and find someone better suited for us. We had both friends and family question whether we were making the right decision getting married so young but through all of the questions, the challenges, the ups and downs, one thing has been made crystal clear.

Ain't no other man for me.

My Favorite Things

2008-12-17T20:00:00.002-05:00

My husband
My sons
My faith
Slobbery open-mouth kisses from babies
Noisy smackeroos from preschoolers
Making food that looks great and tastes better
Watching a movie that I know so well I can almost speak the dialog word for word
Spending lazy afternoons with great friends
Catching up with friends who are too far away to spend a lazy afternoon hanging out
Coca-Cola Classic
Laughter, particularly when I've caused it or when it's so hard that your sides hurt and tears are rolling down your cheeks
The comfort of being with someone and knowing that they know exactly what you're saying even when you haven't said a word
The comfort of things staying the same
The excitement of things changing
The warmth of a child sleeping on my chest
Emails from my husband
Fuzzy socks
Hoodies
Pedicures
Massages
Puddle hopping
Packages showing up on the front porch
My birthday
Hearing my three-year old tell me that I'm his best friend...even better is when he tells me his brother is his best friend
Watching the love between my sons grow

This is how we roll

2008-12-12T23:38:00.004-05:00

Can someone, anyone, please explain to me why it is that anytime it is time for a clean diaper or change of clothes Conrad turns into this wonderful contortionist rolling his body left and right, fighting me with every ounce of strength in his little seven month old body? The other night I found myself actually using my legs to hold his upper body relatively still while I did a quick wrap job on the bottom half to get him into his diaper. This is just getting ridiculous.

On another rolling front, Nathan is obsessed with rolling himself into a ball. That's all well and good, I'm all for it as it's a skill he's picked up from gymnastics. Not so okay is the fact that he seems to think that it would be lots of fun to roll up into a ball and go down the stairs. *sigh* I see many ER visits in my future.

The boys and I are almost always running late, I am very time challenged. It drives Scotty nuts but thankfully (well not really) he hasn't been around much lately to get frustrated with us. Once we all get it together, everyone's shoes, hats and coats are on, bags are gathered, binky is found, an appropriate toy escort for the car and the alarm is set, my final words are, "Alright guys, let's roll!" The other morning as I was doing the final mental check that everything was indeed taken care of Nathan beat me to the punch with, "Alright Mom, let's roll!"

Priceless. :)

P.S. This whole post is written simply because I was singing Limp Bizkit to Conrad as he yet again tried to roll away from this morning. The song has been stuck in my head all day and I figured the only way to get over it was to add it to the blog playlist. Enjoy! :D

Happy Seven Month Birthday Conrad!

2008-12-07T21:24:00.002-05:00

The time is just flying by and my little man is not so little anymore. He's such a hoot, constantly chasing after his brother, following me into the kitchen in hopes of getting a snack, laughing, babbling, pulling up on anything that will stay relatively still and making us all fall more in love with him every day.

He has a great little personality, he's very laidback for the most part but when he wants something specific, he wants it. He refuses baby food in favor of eating slightly mushed up table food. No teeth? No problem, he just gums it! The way to my little man's heart is definitely through his chubby belly.

I have pictures and video from today to mark his birthday but sadly my laptop is sick and headed to the doctor. I promise I will come back and update this post with them as soon as it comes back. Until then, Happy Birthday Conrad, we love you Baby!

Ask Me Anything

2008-12-03T21:21:00.003-05:00

Someone thought up this great game on one of the message boards I hang around today and it was a ton of fun. We all learned a little more about each other and had some surprisingly thought provoking questions posed to us.

My favorite set of questions from today was "Do you have a role model? If so, who? And, what has surprised you most about motherhood or marriage?"

They seem like simple enough questions but they really made me stop and think about my answers.

The truth is I have lots of different role models for the many different roles that I fill. My mom is the most perfect example of a strong, independent woman that I've ever known. If I can channel half of her strength and determination then the sky is the limit for where my life goes from here. As a mother, friend and wife I look to my friends. They are some of the most amazing women in this world and all of them encompass qualities and strengths that I would like to have more of in myself. I learn from them and hopefully offer them something in return.

The thing that has surprised me most about marriage is the sameness of it. I fell in love with my husband when we were 17 and I often feel like we're still those same kids only now we're playing house. We have so much fun together and even when I want to ring his neck I can look into his eyes and see that same kid from back then and be over it. For us, being married has been like one long slumber party where my mom doesn't care that there's a boy in my bed. :)

The thing that has surprised me most about motherhood is how much I enjoy it. I always knew I wanted children I just never knew how much they would change me. I always pictured myself as this career woman who would be rocking my heels and suits through the carpool lane as I headed in to the office. I would balance my career and my family life perfectly and make it look oh so easy. Instead I'm a flip-flop and jeans wearing stay at home mom who spends her days driving to and from school, gymnastic and play dates. It's not at all what I imagined, it's so much better. I love snuggling up with the boys or having wrestling matches or just watching them while they play quietly by themselves. I spend more time crawling around on the floor than I ever imagined I would and laugh harder at the dumbest things (like Conrad crawling into a wall or Nathan and his notoriously smelly farts) than I thought possible.

Now dear readers, the ball is in your court, ask me anything. Be prepared that I'm changing the rules (because it's my blog and I can do that) and will ask you anything in return. I figure it's time that I got to know you guys a little better since you know all about my butt flapping in the wind, my kids stealing my sanity and all of the other randomness of my life. :)

Drink Coffee, Give Back

2008-11-30T20:08:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow, December 1, marks the 20th anniversary of World AIDS Day. Although research has come far, it's not nearly far enough. There are still men, women and children suffering with and dying from this disease every day. It doesn't take much to help out, in fact for many of us it's something that we do fairly often anyway. Stop by Starbucks, pick up a coffee and five cents of your purchase will go towards helping patients with AIDS in Africa. Your coffee can help a mother or a father, a son or daughter, a sister or brother, live to be another day closer to a cure.

It's so easy for us to get caught up in our own concerns and forget that outside of our doors there are people who are fighting serious battles every day. I'm not trying to minimize anyone's problems and I am the first one to admit that I'm guilty of getting too wrapped up in my own concerns, but today I received a reminder of just how blessed I am, we all are.

Our church has a Kenyan outreach program working with the Holy Family AIDS clinic and at least twice a year a missions group heads over to do hands on work. This last trip they brought back wooden cross necklaces for the congregation. These crosses had been touched and prayed over by children who came to the Holy Family clinic for their AIDS treatments. These children are over their fighting for their lives, often times knowing that they are against what seem to be insurmountable odds. These are children who may have been orphaned by this disease or may be fighting it with their brothers, sisters, father and mother in the beds beside them. And these children took the time to pray over this necklace for me, with all that they are going through and dealing with, they took the time for me.

So tomorrow and throughout the holiday season, I plan on taking the time to stop in to Starbucks for a hot coffee and walk out knowing that I've done something that may seem so small to me but will make such a big difference for someone else. Hope to see you there.

(Starbucks)RED

What are you thankful for?

2008-11-26T20:59:00.003-05:00

Nathan's new favorite game is twenty questions. Or actually 20,000 questions. They start first thing in the morning with, "Mommy, is the sun up?" (this one is due to my strict rule that if the sun isn't up, neither am I) and end in the evening with, "What are we going to do tomorrow?" Of the 20,000 questions he has a few favorites that he falls back on when nothing seems questionable. 1.) Can I go to the moon/sun/stars? (see previous post) 2.) What are we doing next? 3.) Why? (once this one gets started it's hard to stop it) and the new one to the pack, "Mommy, what are you thankful for?"

I am thankful for so much in my life, I am so blessed. I don't stop and say it and often enough so in honor of the holiday, my answer to Nathan's question.

I am thankful for my husband and my sons, they bring so much fun and joy and warmth to my life. They are the reason I do everything that I do.

I am thankful for my mother and my brother. They have always been there for me. They're love, guidance and humor have made me the woman that I am today.

I am thankful for my friends. They are always there with an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on and to share a good laugh. They are spread out all around the world so I don't get to see them nearly as much as I'd like but they are always there when I need them.

I am thankful for my faith. God shows me daily how He is in control and that he has a plan for my life.

This morning Nathan had his school Thanksgiving recital and it was so much fun. They sang three songs and unfortunately I wasn't able to get very good shots of him during the first two. I was trying my best commando tactics (there were three of us moms from his class literally crawling on the floor trying to get good pictures!) the glare was right on him the shots didn't come out.

Luckily during the last song, "This Little Light of Mine," I was able to sneak all the way to the front and get this video. Enjoy it and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

"May I go to the moon, please, please, please?"

2008-11-22T08:22:00.002-05:00

I hear this at least three times a day. Lately the request has varied a bit with trips to the sun, the stars and the rainbow being requested as well. My answer is always yes of course and being the bright kid he is Nathan follows up with, "How do I get there?"

Now there are a couple of ways that this story can go. We could play the "use your imagination, close your eyes and you're there," line or the "go get a really tall ladder" ala Eric Carle route but most often in our house we take the long way. You know, the "go to a good college, get a degree in engineering, spend some time as a military pilot (GO NAVY!), then get accepted into the NASA astronaut training program and one day you'll get to fly in a rocket to the moon." What can I say, we're realist and figure if the kid really wants to get to space, we're going to do everything in our power to get him ready for it. He of course has condensed this long tale into simply taking a rocketship which completely works for me. I love seeing the little gears turn and his imagination working while he's telling me about his journey or drawing a picture of his "Spiderman Rocketship" (he's crazy about Spiderman, it's nuts!).

It's hard to believe that the little baby we brought home three years ago has turned into this fiery little man so full of passion and excitement. He writes his name or makes his brother laugh and this look of pure pride and joy washes over his face, it's amazing. Everyday he teaches me to find the joy in the little things. He keeps me young playing pretend, wrestling, playing chase and seeing the world through his three year old eyes. My Nathan truly is my gift from God.

A gift to my readers

2008-11-18T21:59:00.006-05:00

A laugh entirely at my expense.

After I had Nathan it took me a while to get back to a size that I was comfortable with so instead of spending a lot of money on clothes for the interim I bought less expensive things at places like Target and Old Navy.

Most of those clothes have long since been discarded because they have gotten too big (and then too small and are on their way to too big again) or have fallen apart but I have one pair of jeans that has held on for me. They have a hole in the knee and are fairly thin in some places but I still love them because they are so well broken in. They are perfect for just running around with the boys or lazy days or working around the house. They look cute with flip-flops, Uggs or barefoot, t-shirts, tanks or sweatshirts. I love this damn jeans.

Sadly today was their last wearing. I was sporting them with my boots and a WashU sweatshirt today while the boys and I were out running errands when the sad, sad event happened. We had just completed our purchase at Babies R Us when Conrad's blanket fell on the ground yet again. I quickly bent down to pick it up and that's when I heard it.

Rrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiipp!

Oh shit.

My butt immediately felt cooler confirming my fear. My pants had just ripped right up the ass. I stood up and tried to pull my sweatshirt down but no amount of tugging would get it low enough to cover the tear. Then I tried to use Conrad's blanket kind of wrapped around both of us. That didn't work because Nathan was holding on to the other end and refused to let go. I decided that rather than continue trying to find a way to cover the tear I would just get out of the store however I could showing the least amount of flesh possible.

The boys and I headed to the door, me walking sideways so as to avoid giving two Marines a butt shot (did I mention they were standing right in front of the door collecting things for Toys for Tots?). We got through the first set of doors easily but got a couple of strange looks from people walking in as we walked out the second set of doors still practicing our crab-inspired walk.

Once outside I made a dash for the car bouncing Conrad and dragging Nathan beside me. I buckled the boys in as quickly as I could since my nearly bare butt was being exposed to a wicked cold wind, and ran to jump into the driver's seat. As I lowered myself I heard another rriipp! Nice...

The leather was cold against my bare skin and I silently thanked Scotty for the upgraded vehicle as I turned on the seat warmer and settled back for the ride home.

Although I was embarassed for a split second when the rip initially occurred, I have to say, I probably laughed at myself harder than you are right now. I mean seriously, how does this stuff happen to me?! Whatever though, anything to get a laugh and I'm sure I've earned a few from you by now. :)

It's a beautiful day in my neighborhood

2008-11-17T20:49:00.005-05:00

I love our neighborhood. The houses range from being built in 1925 or so to 2008 and the occupants of the houses are are even more eclectic. There's Sonya, the French chef who moved here with her kids over a decade ago to marry her long-time, and once lost, love; Bear, the single dad raising his daughter while her mom lives states away; Pete and Christine and their two boys, Joseph who has cerebral palsy and the brightest smile I've ever seen, and Robert who always has a mischievous sparkle in his eye; Ms. Audrey who's lived in the neighborhood for over 45 years and is as feisty as they come; Jerry, probably my closest friend in the neighborhood, who is a down home Southern boy who can cook his tail off and his roommate Blevy who is a bank vice-president by day and a bartender by night and will get you drunk off of something you didn't even know was alcoholic because it was mixed so well. There's a ton of other characters as well but the ones above are the main players in our lives.

They have helped me make it through the last two and a half years including a deployment, a pregnancy and a number of underways. Whether I needed someone to watch Nathan so I could take a nap, a bug killed, someone to sit with Nathan while I ran to McDonald's to fill a pregnancy craving (it was just once, I promise!), someone to watch the dogs while we were out of town or just someone to talk to because it felt like it had been too long since I saw another adult, they were and are always there.

Tonight Sonya and her son David stepped up yet again and helped me rake the leaves out of our front and side yard. It sounds like a simple enough task but you have to remember that my neighborhood is over 75 years old which means lots of old, really big, trees. While the three of us (four if you count Conrad) tackled the yard Pete and Christine invited Nathan over to hang out with Robert for a bit. With the help of my amazing neighbors I was able to get the yard raked and five and a half bags of leaves taken care of in just over an hour.

As much as I'm looking forward to moving into the new house I pray that the neighbors are even half as good as the ones we were blessed with here. They have some pretty big shoes to fill but I'm hopeful that they can do it. Afterall, there's nothing like Southern Hospitality, right?

Conrad working hard...or eating pine needles :)

Nathan enjoying his Spiderman scooter while we finish up (this is my neighbor's yard, mine is now [mostly] leaf free!)

The fruits of our labor, five and a half big bags full of leaves, our sidewalks are finally clear again

Dinnertime at our house

2008-11-16T23:06:00.005-05:00

My daughters-in-law better love me. My boys LOVE to hang out in the kitchen with me while I cook and Nathan usually helps out as much as I'll let him. So not only will my guys be gorgeous, intelligent gentlemen, they'll also know how to cook, does it get any better?! Some nights however they provide more entertainment than assistance and honestly, I love those times even more than when they help. So, for your viewing pleasure...Nathan and Conrad put on a show.

Enjoy!

Thank you for being a friend

2008-11-15T06:43:00.003-05:00

I'm sure that I have mentioned it before but I have to say it again, I have the best friends.

I don't have a lot of friends, I'm more of a quality over quantity type of girl, but the ones that I do have are like the sisters I've never had. I would do anything for them and they're always there for me with an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry out and ready to give advice, backup or a place to bury the body. I couldn't ask for more.

Nathan is a lot like me in that respect, he doesn't have a ton of friends but he truly loves the ones that he has. His best friend here is Campbell, a little girl that he's known since he was about eight weeks old. Campbell's dad is in the Navy as well and we were blessed to have moved to the same area at the same time. I don't know how those two are going to handle being separated, there will be many visits and lots of phone calls between Virginia and Tennessee.

More than Campbell and Nathan will miss one another, I'll miss Campbell's mom, Laura. She has been my best friend while we've been here. She dealt with my late night phone calls when I was having contractions and Scotty was still deployed, she let me just sit on her couch and eat ice cream when I was overwhelmed with how I was going to make it through deployment, she's been my shopping buddy, my crying post and the person I call whenever I need a good laugh. She's dealt with my mom calling her whenever she can't find me (my mom is very persistent!), watched Nathan while I was in labor with Conrad and always knows what to say when I feel like the world is falling apart around me.

Yesterday she went above and beyond all of that. I have been SUPER stressed trying to get the house all cleaned so that the few days Scotty is home he can paint and then we can get our house listed on the rental market. Enter Laura. She invited Nathan over for a slumber party so that I could relax, unwind and get a few things done.

I had a great evening watching chick flicks, eating Chinese takeout and cleaning and rearranging. It is absolutely astounding how much easier it is to clean when there is only one child in the house! What in the world was I doing that I couldn't keep the house cleaner when it was just Nathan?! I still have more to do but I have made a good start thanks to Laura and her willingness to help me out.

Before we leave the area I plan on throwing a party. Yeah, I know, it's a social faux pas to throw your own going away party, but this one is not for us so much as it's for our friends. I want to let them all know how valuable they are to us, how much they will be missed and to tell them all thank you. Without them our lives would be empty.

Our (next) home sweet home

2008-11-12T14:55:00.003-05:00

Scotty finally received his official orders and with that came down my orders. I've been scouring the internet like a madwoman researching elementary school reviews, rental homes (we aren't selling our home here in Virginia and don't feel prepared to own two homes yet), preschools and every other fact that I can glean about the Memphis area. My eyes have crossed, my head has pounded and I have called my good friends a million and five times trying to get their opinions on this home or that rent. I have even emailed with the detailer, his wife, his coworker and gotten his coworker's wife's phone number, I am serious about finding the perfect situation to suit or family.

And today, some that hard work has paid off, we finally found a great house to call home during our stay in the Memphis area and it is in the district for a wonderful elementary school. I have calls in to preschools in the area, have had friends in the area drive by to triple check that it is as fabulous as it seems and am absolutely thrilled to say that we have a home.

I'm in love guys, it has a double oven, stainless steel appliances, a bonus room, a hearth room, formal dining, eat in kitchen, a workshop in the garage, sits on a third of an acre and is right around our housing allowance. While I love our cute little retro house here in Virginia (it was built in 1934), I can not wait to have the space and amenities that a newer home offers.

Now to just make it through the next two and a half workups, get our house here rented, packed and moved. *sigh* But for the rest of today I'm going to bask in the glow of having gotten to check a very big to do off of my list. :)

God is good

2008-11-10T15:50:00.003-05:00

All the time.

Sometimes I get caught up in the everyday stresses of life and I forget exactly how good God is. Then He makes me take pause for a minute so I can again realize the beauty of His love and gifts. This was my gift for today.

Nathan decided that he want to snuggle Conrad during nap time today and since Conrad isn't big enough to sleep in a big bed, he got in Conrad's crib. The love between these two is indescribable, I love being a witness to it.

Conrad had a busy morning leading up to nap today, he had his six month checkup. He weighed in at 20lbs 14oz and 27.5in long putting him in the 94th percentile for weight and 90th for length. He didn't get any of his shots because he has been running a fever and has a bit of a cold, we'll go back in for those next week. Lucky boy though, he has his big brother to take care of him until he's all better.

God is good.

Happy Half-Birthday Conrad!!

2008-11-07T23:45:00.004-05:00

Birthdays are huge at our house. HUGE. I think it's because my birthday is close to Christmas so my mom always made a big deal out of it and well, that's stuck with me. I start a count down to my birthday in September and make sure to let everyone know about my half-birthday in June and with both of the boys I have started planning their first birthday party by the time they are six months old (email if you want the date for Conrad's, it's going to be so much fun and everyone is invited!). I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!

And today was my baby's first half-birthday. :) I can't believe how quickly the past six months have gone, it seems like just yesterday we were heading to the hospital to meet him. He has grown so much and is reaching milestones so quickly. I know that they say the second child does things sooner but seriously, this is ridiculous! He is sitting, crawling and pulling himself to standing. He "talks" up a storm, loves to laugh at his brother and can put away some food. His official six month visit isn't until Monday but according to our scale here he weighs about 21.5lbs and I have no idea how long he is because he refuses to be pinned down long enough for me to get any kind of measurement taken.

He is an amazing little boy, he's super snuggly and almost always full of smiles. I have no idea what Scotty and I have done to deserve to be blessed with this amazing son and his beautiful older brother but I thank God for them everyday.

Happy half-birthday Baby, I can't wait to celebrate many more!

Nathan had to get in on the photo shoot. :)

Funny, when we wanted Nathan in a crib he wanted nothing to do with it. Now that he's too big for one he wants to hang out in Conrad's.

My goodness, they are beautiful, aren't they?

History in the making

2008-11-05T01:02:00.003-05:00

Today the people of our country spoke and elected our next president. Congratulations President-elect Barack Obama and thank you. Thank you for showing my sons that they really can be whatever they want to be. Thank you for opening the door to an unlimited future for them. Thank you.

P.S. Conrad took advantage of the big events of the day to pull himself up to a standing position for the first time. A historic day indeed. :)

Get out and VOTE

2008-11-03T20:54:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is a big day and our country, no matter who wins the election, will be changing. This is the first time that I've really been into the election, the boys and I even attended a local rally, I'm so excited about this election. It's ignited a passion in me, and millions of other Americans, that has been lacking for far too long. Even with that however, I am not one to tell anyone who to vote for, your personal and political beliefs are your own business.

I had this plan about how I was going to go down a bulletin list stating and defending my beliefs but then I realized that it really doesn't matter, I don't need to justify or explain myself (although I am more than happy to intelligently discuss things with anyone who is interested). Instead I'll just say get out there and vote people, your ballot is your voice.

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T22:51:00.003-04:00

Love Spiderman and Turtle Baby!!

And for those of you who remember Nathan in the mailbox, here's the next installment, Conrad in a mailbox!

Sun, sand, fun and friends

2008-10-27T22:39:00.003-04:00

This past weekend the boys and I headed out to San Diego to see my college roommate, Katherine, get married. It was my first time out there and I loved it, the weather, the beach, the ohmygoshthisissogood sushi, it was all wonderful. Twice now Scotty has been up for orders and twice we've put San Diego towards the top of his dream sheet and twice orders have come down for somewhere that is not anywhere near San Diego. I'm holding out hope that perhaps the third time will be the charm. Until then I will keep drooling over my memories and start planning my next visit out to see Katherine.

Despite the fact that we spent five hours in the air, the boys were GREAT! Conrad fell asleep before we got away from the gate and Nathan followed by the time we took off. And don't worry, we were safely parked at the gate when I got this shot. :)

Scotty is busy playing Navy guy so my mom met us out there. We spent Saturday morning and exploring Coronado and the boys had a great time hanging out with her. We decided that there will definitely be more getaways like this in our future.

Saturday afternoon we spent hanging out with the gorgeous Drs. Williams (they met in med school :)). Katherine was stunning, I've never seen her so happy, I'm so excited for her and Derek, they are really great together. They are headed off for a sweet honeymoon in Greece, color me jealous!

Sunday we headed to the San Diego Zoo and Nathan, a.k.a. Batman, and Grandma got to visit "their" animal, the hippopotamuses.

We had a really great time, the boys did surprisingly well with the time change, the weather was beautiful (did I mention that already) and it was so nice to catch up with friends from college. Having my mom there was a dream come true, when the boys were ready to head to bed she took them back to the hotel leaving me at the reception to enjoy the company, the dancing and the open bar. By the time the night ended my feet were far too sore for shoes, I had a pleasant buzz going and I had laughed and caught up with people I didn't even realize I had missed as much as I did.

Before I knew it it was Monday morning and the weekend had passed much too quickly. We got back home to Norfolk where a cold rain was falling this evening but no worries, I'm headed back to the beach soon. As soon as I head to sleep I can guarantee you I'll be "California Dreamin'."

Maybe it's in their genes

2008-10-21T09:02:00.004-04:00

To be a submariner takes a certain amount of ability to tolerate small spaces, especially when you're on a fast attack. The guys spend six months straight (with port calls of course and not including all of the time out on workups, that would bump it up to at least 9-10 months of the year) living in a room the size of a walk-in closet, eating in a room the size of a small kitchen (with around eight or nine other guys) and showering in a space the size of a small pantry. You literally have to turn sideways to fit past someone in the hall. There is not much space at all and I admire my husband for being able to handle it.

But I'm starting to think that maybe it's a genetic thing because it seems like all three of my guys not only don't mind being in tight spaces, but actually seem to enjoy it!

Scotty circa 2004 having some quality time with the dogs in their crate.

Nathan and Conrad enjoying brotherly love time in the laundry bucket.

Sub-a-dub-dub, three men in a tub!

I'm telling you, these guys are natural submariners!

Run, run as fast as you can

2008-10-18T20:29:00.003-04:00

I am not a runner. I wish I were, I dream of being a runner and I have spurts where I do run, but I would not consider myself a runner. I have a few friends who are hardcore runners. We're talking, run multiple marathons in the same calender year type of girls. I admire their strength and focus so much, not to mention their true love of the sport, but can't seem to get motivated to get out the door. However after hearing about a fellow Navy wife, Allie, doing a 5k back in August, I was again inspired and this time I was reminded that I don't have to start with a huge long race (my goal previously was to do a half-marathon which is incredibly daunting), a shorter race is a great place to jump in the saddle.

I know myself well enough to know that any goal that I set is more easily achieved when I share it with others, so I invited the friends, family and crew of the USS Montpelier to get together and form a team for the Susan G. Komen Race for a Cure. Everyone stepped up and we raised over $800 for Tidewater Komen as well as having a great time running. The weather was crummy (cold, windy, rainy) but the enthusiasm in the crowd more than made up for it. My time wasn't nearly what I wanted it to be (40 minutes, I was aiming for 30) but I'm blaming that on the headwind that we hit as we ran along the boardwalk towards the finish line. :)

As I ran across the finish line, my legs sore and my lungs working hard, I had a huge smile on my face. As much as I hate running while I'm doing it (did I mention that part earlier, I am so not a fan), the feeling afterwards is entirely worth the pain. It's kind of like natural childbirth, it hurts like a mother while you're going through it but at the end you get this natural high that makes you forget the pain. So Monday morning I'm dropping Nathan off at school, lacing up my shoes, pulling out the Phil & Ted and Conrad and I are hitting the pavement. I'm itching for my next high.

Pass the mustard please

2008-10-16T14:59:00.003-04:00

He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.
-Matthew 17:20

When I got Nikki a couple of months ago Scotty got a new toy as well, a red Suzuki Katana.

He's wanted one for as long as I can remember and heaven knows the man deserves it. He works hard, really hard, so he should get to play hard as well.

I know a lot of wives aren't comfortable with their husband having a motorcycle, especially if they have small children, but Scotty and I respect that we are both mature adults who can and will make responsible choices. He has far too much to live for to ride recklessly and I love seeing him on his bike so much that I don't complain at all. Do you know how hot guys on bikes are?! But I digress.

There is really a much bigger reason why I am totally and completely okay with Scotty riding his motorcycle. Faith. I know that if and when God decides that He wants Scotty home with Him it's going to happen. It won't matter if he's on a motorcycle, out in the submarine or sitting on the couch, when it's time, it's time. So rather than worry needlessly over something that isn't in either one of our control, he gets to enjoy riding his bike and I get to enjoy watching him.

A couple of days ago though, that faith was shaken. I was coming home and going to get on the highway when I saw the ramp was partially blocked. I looked and there was a rider down. People were gathered around him and his bike lay on the ground about ten feet away from him. It was a red speed bike much like Scotty's. I could tell the rider was alive but in a lot of pain. The ambulance and firefighters hadn't shown up yet, the accident had just happened. I can't say for sure what happened because I didn't see it, but it appeared as though he had hit some road gravel getting on the on-ramp and had laid his bike down.

Seeing that guy lying there, hurting and surrounded by people desperately wanting to help and yet unsure how to, tears filled my eyes. That was someone's son, possibly someone's husband or father. That could be Scotty.

I immediately called a good friend of mine who grew up around bikes and is very comfortable with them so that she could offer me reassurance that while yes, accidents do happen, if a rider is taking the correct precautions and is riding defensively the risks of that is reduced. Scotty is always EXTREMELY safe, he rides in full gear, he doesn't race or pop wheelies and he is always aware of other drivers.

And like I said before, if all of that still ends in him heading home to God, then that's just how it's supposed to be.

So please, pass the mustard, it's time for me to get an extra helping of faith.

Hodge Podge of Happy

2008-10-14T00:04:00.002-04:00

You know how sometimes it seems like you're sitting on top of the world and things are all going your way? That's been me lately. And I want to talk about it. I want to spew it all out so that when I'm sitting in the valley of "My life is kicking my ass" I can refer back to this and know that it will get better. So sit back and enjoy the little things that have been rocking my world lately.

1. Free oil changes. We bought Nikki from what I firmly believe is the best dealership in Hampton Roads. Priority Acura has this motto, "Priorities for Life" that I thought was just talk but turns out, nope, it's not! I can take my girl back to the dealership for oil changes and they are absolutely free!! And not only will they do the oil changes, they'll do the five million point inspection to make sure everything is working well and nothing needs to be fixed. And they'll give me a free loaner while she's hanging out with them! Can it get any better? Oh yeah, it can and does. If I take her in on Wednesday I get a free manicure too. Sa-weeeet!!!

2. Cooperative children. Nathan has these days, the kind that make me say, "And this was a good idea because..." But lately we've had fewer of those and more of the ones that make me think that he almost deserves a halo. He tells me I'm his best friend and it makes my heart melt. He helps me with Conrad, singing to him when he gets upset and tonight, bless his heart, he offered to pay for my Target purchases. Nevermind he doesn't have any money, it's the thought that counts, right? ;)

3. Speaking of Target. *sigh* I LOVE Target, they know me at my Target. If I'm away too long they ask me where I've been when I come in. The pharmacist know both boys and ask about them by name every time I'm in, we get stopped in the aisles so that the employees can say hi to them. I LOVE Target. And my Target is getting a makeover. They've added a Starbucks (YUMMY!), a bigger grocery section, wider aisles and these awesome new carts. No more bum wheels or scummy looking bars, they're all so pretty and clean, I love it!

4. The Navy is actually making me pretty happy of late. I know, I know, it's rare that the military makes people happy but really, I have no complaints about them right now. First, they assigned us to an awesome command. I'm going to miss these ladies and guys so much when we move.
The USS Montpelier has been great to us for the past two and a half years, we couldn't ask for better and not only is the boat wonderful, the sponsor city is as well. As we speak Scotty is in Montpelier hanging out with the liason board, picking up REAL Vermont maple syrup and enjoying the sights of a New England fall. This is his second trip up there, Nathan and I got to tag along last time and it really is a great town. The support that they offer the guys is phenomenal, we'll miss it.
In moving on however Scotty will be joining what seems to be another great command. Thanks to how small the sub community is I have already managed to meet another wife who's husband is currently detailing out of Millington and she's giving me the inside scoop on the area. Not only that but our good friends Steve and Katie will be joining us in Millington. I am thrilled to get to have them there with us, it's going to be so much fun!

5. For one of the first times since I got pregnant with Nathan I am really and truly happy with my body. I am five months postpartum and I am at my prepregnancy weight (we're talking the real one, not the one that the doctor gave which always seems to be about five pounds more than your scale at home!) and back into prepregnancy clothes. I even have a couple of pants that I bought early on in my pregnancy that I knew were a little small even for where I was when I got pregnant (if that makes sense) that are fitting. It's amazing to me how quickly my body has bounced back and although it's not exactly where I want it to be, I know without a doubt that it will be. I am still nursing, and I know for a fact that nursing makes me hold on to weight and aside from that, it's only been five months! Yes, that is a good length of time but the saying nine months on, nine months off is so true, so I know that my body has more changing ahead of it.

So with all of those things (and more piddly things that I won't bore you with) how could I be down right now? Now just remind me about this post in four months when I'm in the midst of moving and am ready to pull my hair out. :)

Fall Festival Fun

2008-10-11T20:15:00.003-04:00

Our boat throws great parties. I mean they go all out when it's party time, they definitely believe in Work Hard, Play Hard. Usually there are amazing door prizes (big LCD televisions, game systems and trips), tons of great food and great entertainment. They fund these parties through different fund raisers they do while underway and deployed and for the last big party they threw they spent about $10,000. These guys are serious about their fun.

Today it was the FRG's (Family Readiness Group, a support system for the wives essentially) turn and they didn't disappoint. They threw a Fall Festival and since they were working with a much smaller budget so the door prizes were smaller but the amount of fun was the same. The kids enjoyed a costume contest, pumpking decorating and the entire family joined in for the cake walk...and won! Nathan and Conrad each got their faces painted and we all had a great time.

"Mommy what are you doing? Gimme that pink thing please!" (I have a pink camera because I'm the only girl in the house and as such, I know that if it's pink no one will bother to take it!)

Don't you love his bumblebee? He was so calm and still while Emily painted it.

It's Spiderman! Nathan spent the entire afternoon running around looking for his next adventure.

And the winner is...

2008-10-07T21:31:00.002-04:00

Memphis, TN!!

Or actually, Millington but it's just north of Memphis. Wondering what the contest was?

Well as those of you who are familiar with the military know, they control much of our future and with a move in our near future, we've been biting our nails trying to figure out where we're going. We were really hoping that we'd get to move overseas to Yokosuka, Japan. The boys are young enough that schools wouldn't be a huge concern, we would have no problem selling the cars, storing the furniture and heading to a new country.

Unfortunately the Navy didn't agree with us. They saw Scotty's tech score (yeah, I'm not sure exactly what that is either, I think it has something to do with the reviews his captain has given him) and said, "Hmm...this guy is at the top of our slate, let's ask if he'll be the detailer (the guy who assigns jobs)."

I don't know if you guys realize this but when the Navy "asks" you to do something they are really telling you. So after some discussions in our house, talks with the detailer, talks with Scotty's captain and his executive officer, he decided to accept the position. The perks are that he'll have a lot of input when it comes time for his next sea tour, we'll be close to home and I will be able to travel with him some (Hawaii here I come!). It's going to be a great two years and we're really looking forward to it.

On an unrelated note, happy five month birthday Conrad!

Road Trip!!

2008-10-06T21:21:00.004-04:00

Yesterday Nathan told us that he wanted to go to Mokahoma to see Grandma. We let him know that it sounded like a great idea but wasn't one that we could act on right away. With his extensive three year old knowledge, he let us know that we just had to go to the airport, ride two airplanes and we'd be there, easy peasy. Sadly I had to inform him that you have to have tickets to go on the airplane and unfortunately we didn't have them. Nathan got quiet for a minute as he considered the ticket situation. Then, with a very serious tone, he told us, "I'll go to Chuck E. Cheese and get us tickets!" Gotta love him!

After figuring out that his ticket plan was not going to work quite as easily as he hoped, Nathan resorted to a backup plan. He and Conrad jumped in the Escalade for their first cross-country roadtrip. Sadly they were unable to make it out of the backyard but we did get some great pictures. These will definitely be saved for comparison purposes when they go for their first joyride in about 13 years. :D

Nathan is so cool he's already trying to drive with one hand. We'll have to correct that before he hits the streets!

Conrad's trying to control the music (did I mention that the Escalade has a working AM/FM radio?)

Two men on a mission, gotta love'em!

My Fabulous Five

2008-10-05T16:25:00.002-04:00

Kat has tagged me for a meme, wahoo!! The rules are as follows...

"It’s easy peasy, kids. I just want you to write five positive things about yourself. I don’t care how goofy or weird those things are; I simply want them to be things you think are rad and that you absolutely believe with your whole heart. Like don’t hand me any “I’m a great mom!!” stuff if you actually think you’re only a pretty good mom. See what I mean? After you write your list, tag five other people to compose a list. Maybe we can fight this blogfluitis, five bloggers at a time."

1. I really am a good mom. I always knew that I wanted to have kids but I wasn't sure how the whole Mommy-scene would work out for me. I am the first to tell you I'm selfish and spoiled absolutely rotten, so putting other people before myself all the time didn't sound so great. Turns out it's better than I could have imagined. I love hanging out with my boys having wrestling matches, playing chase and just being silly. I'm that mom you see in the store making up songs or doing silly dances while she's walking down the aisle. I had a gentleman at Target the other day tell me, "It's okay, I'll act like I didn't see anything." But you know, I want people to see me. I want them know how much joy my children bring me and how, I hope, I return that joy to them.

2. I am a good cook. Seriously, put me in the kitchen and I'm a happy woman. I'll throw together a meal that will leave you with a full belly and a smile on your face. And amazingly enough, most of the meals I cook are fairly healthy since I love to use fresh veggies and lean meat. Now the desserts...that's a whole different story, I'll fill you out with my baking!

3. I am a wonderful friend. I am loyal, protective and always available. People are quick to say that you can call on them whenever for whatever but they don't really mean it. I do. I will drop everything, or if it can't be dropped pick it up and take it with me, for a friend at a moment's notice. Whether that means running across the street, across town or across the country I'm there on the spot. I truly love my friends, they are the sisters that I get to choose and I have the best sisters around.

4. I am a fun person. Wherever I am there is laughter and fun. I love to laugh and I love to make others laugh. I'm known as the life of the party, the loudmouth in a group and the first one to make a joke...usually one that should only be heard by adult ears! ;) My friends know that if they're having a crummy day and need a good laugh then they need to call me because I undoubtedly have a story or a joke to brighten any mood.

5. I am an eternal optimist. There is always a bright side to be found, you just have to look for it and choose to focus on it instead of the darkness. My optimism comes in particularly handy when dealing with the military. Rather than getting upset by changes in plans or whatever challenge the Navy decides to set before us, I choose to find the upside to the situation. Don't get me wrong, I'll take my 12-24 hours to mope but after that, it's all sunshine. Pouting and being upset won't change a situation so why waste time with them, I'd rather find my high points and move on.

6. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be five but I want to add this one because it's important to me. I am an intelligent woman. I know how to hold my own in just about any discussion, I enjoy learning and being challenged. I earned my degree from a great university and it hangs proudly next to my husband's. I love that we can discuss just about anything and we're such nerds that we actually requested our high school transcripts at one point just to see who's IQ was higher. I love knowing that heaven forbid anything should happen to Scotty, the boys and I will be okay because I have a good head on my shoulders and a great education.

So, now for who to tag...:) I pick Jacqui, Monica, Jill, Sara and Nicole

Raising Navy Brats

2008-10-04T21:55:00.003-04:00

Growing up, the military was not a part of my life. Although there was an Air Force base relatively close to my house, I didn't think about it much. It was only referenced occasionally on the news when the Department of Defense would talk about possibly cutting jobs at the base, thereby effecting our local economy or when I would go to my aunt's house and see all of the goodies she had gotten from this "commissary" place. I didn't grow up thinking that I would marry a man in uniform, I never imagined myself living the somewhat nomadic lifestyle of a military family. I figured that I would be doctor or an attorney or have some other fabulous career and while I knew that I would not live in Oklahoma, I never considered that my new home would be too far away from my homebase. I thought maybe I'd get as far away as Dallas or St. Louis, somewhere within a day's drive of home, not somewhere that would take a half day to fly home and surely not somewhere that would take over a day worth of flying.

Yet here I am. Married to a sailor, living quite the nomadic life (our longest stint in one area since we've been married is two years, we're working on our third now but we won't hit that mark) and living half a continent away from homebase. My job is not quite as glamorous as I once dreamed it would be but it is surprisingly fulfilling. I wake up every morning wondering what my bosses have in store for me. Some mornings I even get a hint right off the bat what's waiting for me because my boss is in my face before my eyes are even open.

Turns out God's plan for me has me raising two Navy brats and man, they're tough! But they are so incredibly amazing. It is fascinating to me to see how two kids from Oklahoma can raise two boys who are living a totally different lifestyle than either of us has ever known. Scotty and I both went to the same school district from kindergarten through high school, our boys may not even have the opportunity to attend the same preschool all the way through. Where we grew up having family close by, Nathan has already learned that Grandma lives two plane rides away.

Sometimes I wonder if we are depriving them or being selfish by continuing to live the military lifestyle. Are they missing out getting to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins better because we live too far away? Will they someday regret not being able to have those tight bonds that are formed in growing up with someone from infancy?

But then days like today happen.

Scotty had duty and so the boys and I went down to the boat to hang out for a bit as we usually do on duty days. I had told Nathan we were going to see Daddy on the boat if he was really good before he went down for his nap, so by the time we got to the gate to go down the pier he was dying to be on the submarine. Unforutnately for him I saw Scotty's Executive Officer (XO) leaving the pier so stopped to chat for a few minutes. Nathan tugged and tugged until I finally wrapped up the conversation and headed down the pier.

Nathan saw Scotty waiting for us when he got about halfway down the pier and took off running. Conrad and I were a bit slower, so by the time we caught up Scotty and Nathan were already crossing the brow. As they approached the middle Scotty leaned down to Nathan and told him to stand up tall and look at the flag. I stopped and took in the sight of my two big guys saluting the ensign and a smile stretched across my face. When we got to the hatch Scotty took Conrad from me (I am not coordinated enough to carry a child down the hatch!) and Conrad looked up at me with a big gummy grin on his face. Next Nathan climbed down all by himself and I brought up the rear.

As we made our way to the wardroom it really struck me how much we are offering our sons. While they may not have Grandma living just down the road and cousins nearby, they do have a huge network of adopted family. They will have to transfer schools but in that experience they will learn to be more outgoing and true to who they are so that they will be able to quickly adapt to different situations they may find themselves in later in life. They get to hang out on submarines, learn what it is to give for your country and live in so many different, really cool places.

Not to mention the wonderful photo ops ;)

Conrad had fallen asleep so we took him to Scotty's rack. Of course as soon as his little body touched the bed he was wide awake. Crazy baby!

My three boys hanging out in the wardroom post-Wii. Notice how Conrad is so enthralled by Nathan he can't even bother to look at the camera.

RIP Capt. Michael Medders

2008-09-30T21:15:00.003-04:00

In the past five years that Scotty has been in the military I have made friends with a number of other military wives, girlfriends and fiancees thanks to the wonder of the internet. There are a number of message boards and chat rooms out there catering to military spouses whether they're looking for information about a new duty station, someone to explain Tricare or all of the acronyms that are a part of our daily lives, or simply looking for a friend, someone to listen as we navigate workups, deployments and all of the other trials that the military manages to throw our way.

Yesterday was a rough day on one of the boards we received the news that no one wants to hear. One of our friends, Stacey Hravtin lost her fiance, Captain Michael J. Medders on September 24, 2008 when he was killed in the line of duty in Baquba, Iraq. Words cannot express the feelings that went through me as I read the news. I cannot imagine the heartache that I know Stacey must be experiencing. What I do know is that Stacey as well as both her family and Mike's family need prayers and support in order to make it through this and although they have those in abundance from our online family, more are always welcome. May God give them peace and strength.

Conrad's in love

2008-09-24T10:54:00.005-04:00

He has found someone that makes all 19lbs 4oz of him just glow with happiness. And lucky for him he didn't have to look far, he found his new interest right next to him. This new love is a near constant companion, it's next to him in the car, sleeps in the same room as him and is always willing to entertain him for a few minutes whenever he needs it. This love sings to Conrad when he's upset, helps him rollover whenever he starts having trouble and is happy to offer tickles in exchange for a little giggle.

Conrad is head over heels for his big brother.

I heard lots of things about having two kids before Conrad was born. I heard about how hard it can be to juggle sleep schedules, I heard that it's a balancing act to make sure everyone is getting their attention and I heard that your heart fills with more love than you imagined possible. However everyone neglected to tell me how much your heart swells when you see your children start truly interacting or how your eyes fill with tears as your baby looks at their older sibling with complete adoration shining in their eyes. And they surely didn't tell me about the laughter that you can't hold back as you watch your youngest launch himself at his brother (we're talking up on his knees, to his toes and then LAUNCH!) and then offer up a big gummy grin.

I had no idea that watching my boys' love for one another grow could make my love for them grow even more because I couldn't (and can't!) imagine loving them more than I already do. But my children have taught me that I don't know much and I am so grateful for the lessons that they keep giving me. Because I am so in love.

Let me introduce my new child

2008-09-22T22:05:00.002-04:00

He's a really amazing child this new one. He can climb tall structures all by himself. Some people consider him a hero, he definitely is in my eyes. His name is...
SPIDERMAN!

I know all kids go through phases where they love dressing up and pretending to be someone else but this is the first time it's happened in our house. Nathan is head over heels about Spiderman, he was so excited when we picked up this costume for it. In the first 24 hours he had it he only took it off to go to bed and that was only because Scotty insisted. He woke up first thing the next morning, ran downstairs and put on his costume all by himself (not an easy feat!). The costume stayed on through naptime and during a trip to his friends' house.

I thought I was going to have to stop at the grocery store on the way out and laughed at the looks I knew I would get. I actually thought maybe we should leave the costume at home to avoid the looks but I couldn't do it to him, Nathan was so happy in that costume. So what if we got a few strange looks or laughs, the complete and total joy on his face was worth whatever judgment anyone else offered.

And here's a gratuitous shot of Conrad hanging out in his exersaucer. He's turning into a whole new child as well, I can't believe he's only four and a half months old! He's up to 19lbs 4oz and is rolling both ways, scooting around and has started trying to get up on his hands and knees. It won't be long and I'll have two very mobile, strong, energetic boys. Pray for me kids, I'm gonna need it! ;)

Yesterday, Today and Forever

2008-09-20T11:39:00.006-04:00

You're not supposed to meet the person you're going to spend the rest of your life at 16. It's not the 50s anymore, in today's society most people meet their spouse in college or even after that. Scotty and I are not most people.

We met in 1998 at the beginning of our junior year of high school when we began attending boarding school at the Oklahoma School of Science and Mathematics. We came from totally different backgrounds, Scotty was a country boy from a town of 2000 people, I grew up in the city and attended a high school that had almost 2000 students. When I met him though I knew something was different about him, I knew that he would be someone very important in my life.

In January 1999 we became "official" (gotta love high school!) and since then we've been a constant fixture in one another's lives. Even during the times we were technically dating (a month or so senior year of high school and freshman year of college when we dated other people) we were still always there for one another constantly passing notes, calling one another and hanging out frequently. We have always been friends in addition to whatever other definition has been there.

On September 21, 2001 I got back to my dorm room after a cheerleading party (yep, I was a college cheerleader, maybe someday I'll share a picture) and Scotty was waiting there for me as he was every other weekend. Only this time was a little different. He had me come in and immediately close my eyes, led me across the room, put something small and furry in my hand and asked me to squeeze it. I freaked out! I had been telling him how much I wanted a hamster and here he had finally gotten me one and now he wanted me to squeeze it?! Scotty finally got me calmed down and convinced me to squeeze the furry thing in my hand and when I did his voice filled the room, proposing. My chin dropped and my eyes flew open to see a gorgeous ring and Scotty standing there with a smile on his face.

Two years later on September 20, 2003 we stood in front of our friends and family and became official by grownup standards. The past five years have brought us five moves, two sons and innumerable tears, laughter and fun and we've done it all together. It has been an amazing ride and I can't wait to see what's beyond the bend in the road.

Home, home on the range

2008-09-18T20:50:00.005-04:00

Okay, so maybe it's not "the range," but we did head home to Oklahoma last week. Nathan and I hadn't been back since Christmas, Scotty hadn't been back since Nathan was six months old and our man Conrad had never been at all, so it was high time for us to set foot on some red dirt.

We set out early Tuesday morning (the alarm went off at 4am, ouch!) in order to maximize our day in the city. When our plane touched down in Oklahoma City around 2pm, we hit the ground running. Quite literally in Nathan's case, he was thrilled to see his Grandma again. After gathering all of our things we loaded up and headed to my Aunt Marlene's house.

My Aunt Marlene is my mom's oldest sister and our family matriarch. She is actually old enough to be my mom's mom (honestly, her oldest son is nine months older than my mom) so she hits this chord of being my super cool favorite aunt and serving as a kind of surrogate grandmother since I never knew my grandmother well. Scotty and I make it a point to get to Aunt Marlene's ever visit and she is actual one of our main motivations to get our boys back to Oklahoma. My mom comes out to visit us often (she's already been here three times since Conrad was born and he's only four months old) but Aunt Marlene can't travel like that and we want our boys to know what a special lady she is.

The next day we started on our whirlwhind adventures of going and eating everywhere that we wanted in a mere matter of days. We managed to hit the Oklahoma City Zoo (a surprisingly wonderful zoo, they'd done a lot of updates since I was last there and I definitely recommend stopping by if you're in the area) and the state fair (FUNNEL CAKES!), head down to Dallas for a visit with Cayden (oh yeah and his mom and dad as well) and Amanda and eat our share of Braum's. We spent the weekend sneaking away for a night to celebrate our anniversary and having another birthday party for Nathan. Before we knew it Sunday night had come and it was time to pack up for our trip home. It's amazing how much time speeds up when we're in their company.

Thankfully we made tons of great memories to bring home with us and we know that before long it will be time to head back to kick up a bit more red dust, challenge Kaleb to a rematch in Xbox360 and make all kinds of new memories of our loved ones. Until then, we love you guys, miss you terribly and can't wait to get back to you. And as always, our door is always open, we'd love to entertain you all out here.

Happy Birthday Baby!

2008-09-15T19:31:00.002-04:00

I never could have imagined how amazing being your Mommy is. You can make me laugh, cry and scream all within about five minutes. Your passion for life and learning is inspiring and such a blessing to be witness to. The last three years have been unbelievable and I look forward to watching you grow even more in the coming years. I love you Nathan!

You only turn three once

2008-09-08T01:08:00.005-04:00

So why not celebrate it three times? At least that's how it works in Nathan's world.

He had the first of his three birthday celebrations today and it was quite a hit. We invited a few of his friends to join him at the gym for a small group gymnastics class and the kids had a blast! The other parents and I decided this could quite possibly have been the PERFECT toddler birthday party. We showed up, handed our children over to two very capable coaches and got to watch them run around for an hour before they were handed back to us exhausted and ready to head home. Well they were exhausted until I stuffed them full of cake and ice cream, but even with the sugar high Nathan came home and crashed right after his bath.

We're heading home to Mokahoma (Oklahoma in Nathan-speak) in a few days for party number two courtesy of Grandma (she's braving Chuck E. Cheese!) and some quality time with our friends and family. We'll even get to meet our new "nephew" Cayden Spencer K. His mom Lindsey and I have been friends for 20 years and I'm so excited for our boys to get to grow up being great friends just like we are. We're also hoping to hit up the Great State Fair of Oklahoma and to check another zoo off our list (Nathan loves going to the zoo so we hit it up everywhere we visit). And once we come back it's time for the final birthday celebration at school.

Until next time enjoy a few shots from today!

Silly monkey, he loves playing on the bars!

Check out that air he's getting!

There is something about a parachute that kids LOVE! Okay I confess, we all loved it. The parents all left the sidelines to come out and play with the parachute with the kids. :)

Nathan and his friend Ellie having a swinging good time! (Yep, I realize that was really lame, deal with it)

Conrad and I joined in the fun by working on our rolling. I couldn't convince him to do a synchronized roll but as soon as I got up and went to do something else he flipped right over. Figures.

First day of school, first day of school!!

2008-09-03T20:32:00.001-04:00

Nathan, Conrad and I had to do the unmentionable this morning. We had to get up, get dressed and be somewhere at 9am. We are NOT morning people. The three of us (and Scotty when given the opportunity) would much rather stay up until the wee small hours of the morning and sleep late than to have to get out of bed and be somewhere early. And 9am is early around these parts.

But today was a special day...it was the first day of a new school year. I got up early and made Nathan's favorite breakfast, cinnamon rolls, and then used those as encouragement (read: a bribe) for him to get up and get dressed quickly. Conrad even cooperated waking up a little early all on his own and grabbing a quick breakfast (meaning we managed a 15 minute nursing session instead of his occasional half hour graze-fest). By 8:45 everyone had eaten, we were all dressed and we had even made a quick call to Grandma (Nathan talks to her just about every morning, we're in fact her wake up call usually) and were out the door on the way to school.

The lights were with us on the morning commute, we only hit one red light the whole ten minutes. Once we got to the school the fates were again on our side because we were able to quickly and easily find a good parking spot. I got Conrad in the stroller, all of the snacks unloaded (each parent provides at least two weeks worth of snack for the entire class), Nathan's backpack on him and we marched into the building to conquer the first day of school. Actually, we ran. Nathan was REALLY excited about being back in school. :)

He has been lucky to never having had to switch classrooms so far, his preschool class is also his Sunday school class, so he walked right to the door and marched in like he owned the place. He met his lead teacher last Friday and has many of his friends from last year in his class again, so he was right at home, he didn't look back once. My baby's not a baby anymore.

But even with all of his big boy bravado, when noon rolled around and I showed up to pick him up his face lit up and he came running to me for a big hug. His next question was one that warmed my heart, "Mommy, where's Conrad??" Don't worry, I hadn't forgotten him or anything, he was hanging out in the school's office for a second. :) Nathan ran off to find him while his teachers made it a point to tell me what a great day he had. I was glad to hear them say it but I had no doubt he would have a great day, he loves learning and he loves going to school.

As we headed out to the car he chattered on to me about how much fun he had with all of his friends and about his new teachers. Then it hit me: we only have one more first day of school for preschool. Two years from now my baby is going to be going to kindergarten. I hope that as he moves on to new schools and new places he holds on to this energy and excitement he has and that his love of academics and socializing only grows. Oh and it would be nice if school could start just a tiny bit later too...9am is going to kick our butts! ;)